Cryptonews

Representative Maxine Waters, a very cross lady with a voice like a steam engine, called the pardon “appalling but not a surprise, considering the president’s well-known fondness for shiny things and golden toilets.” She alleged that CZ had been playing a game of crocodile chess with the Trump family, funneling billions into a crypto venture called World Liberty Financial. “I want records! I want explanations!” she roared, while her aides scrambled to find a pen that hadn’t been bought with cryptocurrency. 🧵

So, Bitcoin’s computational muscle has hit the gym hard in 2025, and now it’s bench-pressing its way into the zettahash era. 💪💸 But where’s all this power coming from? Well, according to hashrateindex.com, the U.S. is basically the prom queen of this hashpower ball, flaunting a 37.8% share. 👸🇺🇸

The illustrious Mr. Ali, in his missives upon X, hath declared with admirable simplicity: “Secure thyself a bargain at theDip of $15, and revel in profits at $46.” His chart, like a well-drawnup marriage contract, depicts a magnificent ascending channel, and ’tis most gratifying how the token doth persistently honour its lines of support and resistance, much as a prudent lady adheres to society’s mores. 😏

The Sei Network, with its nose perpetually in the air, has claimed the fourth spot in total value locked (TVL) efficiency, according to the ever-so-clever Nick Research. DeFiLlama, that digital gossip column, reveals its perpetual trading volume soared to $38 billion by October 24, 2025. With a mere $600 million TVL, it processes 16 times more volume per dollar than its less refined peers, who languish between $3 and $5. How dreadfully middle-class! 🧐

In a moment of profound clarity (or perhaps delusion), the esteemed Hov declares that the macro target for Dogecoin’s price remains steadfast, as if the market were a well-rehearsed ballet rather than a surreal circus. His chart, a tapestry of optimism, suggests DOGE might ascend to $3 by next year, a feat as likely as a penguin mastering the tango. Yet, the possibility lingers that the meme coin will merely nap in its sideways slumber until the year’s end-how thrilling.

Ah, the winds of change sweep through the crypto steppe, and North Korea’s hackers ride at the forefront, their AI steeds galloping across blockchains. No longer do they need armies of programmers; a single AI can unravel smart contracts like a poet untangling a metaphor. 🧵📜

As of this writing, the Chainlink price hovers near $17.95-a figure as unremarkable as a minor character in a Russian novel. Yet, beneath this facade of mediocrity, an ascending wedge pattern, much like the slow unraveling of a doomed romance, has been shaping LINK’s destiny since late 2023. Will it break free? Or will it collapse into the abyss of $13.50-$14.50? Only time-and perhaps a few overly confident analysts-will tell.

Apparently, he fell down a “rabbit hole” of it, he says. Honestly, sounds a bit silly, doesn’t it? Like he tripped over a particularly stubborn carrot.🥕 Anyway, he’s plonked a ‘significant portion’ – which means over $25,000 of perfectly good money, mind you! – into this XRP business. A truly enormous amount!

Snorter Token’s ($SNORT) $5.5M presale is hurtling toward its grand finale in 48 hours, like a drunkard sprinting toward last call. Investors are flocking, presumably armed with wallets and a dash of recklessness.

In what we might call a courtroom comedy, the B.C. Supreme Court declared the exchange innocent, since they had forewarned her more times than a mother nags her child. The woman, persuaded by a charming online friend-who probably had a French accent and a pet llama-invested in a scheme with promised daily returns of about one percent. Because, of course, what could possibly go wrong?