This whole blockchain thing isn’t exactly new. Banks and exchanges have been toying with it for years, like playing around with a new toy that just won’t work. But LSEG, being the brave soul it is, was like, “Let’s put some real money into this and make it happen.” And boom-real transactions. How exciting.
Behold, the key unlocks of this tragicomic farce! Optimism (OP) leads the charge with $91.49 million, a sum that would make a tsar weep. Fasttoken (FTN) follows, clutching its $89.8 million like a miser clutching his last kopek. LayerZero (ZRO) adds $51.16 million, while Velodrome Finance (VELO) and Arbitrum (ARB) unleash $49.32 million and $47.8 million, respectively. A veritable feast of folly, where each player vies for their moment in the spotlight, only to be swallowed by the void of the market’s indifference. 🎭
On a gloomy Monday, beneath the towering marble walls of justice, they asked, ever so politely, if the quills of litigation might be set aside, “subject to review and approval,” don’t forget those mouthfuls, by the mighty commission. All fighting paused… indefinitely. Because why rush when the spectacle is so much fun?
In a Monday X post (yes, X, because Twitter was too mainstream), the Fellowship PAC announced its grand entrance with “over $100 million” from sources as mysterious as my uncle’s secret meatloaf recipe. 🥩 Their mission? To support the Trump administration’s digital asset strategy, because who doesn’t love a good crypto-political romance? 💑🇺🇸
Well, I’ll be jiggered! $244 million worth of ETH has scarpered from exchanges in 48 hours, faster than a bounder from a dull party. Whales and traders are hoarding it like it’s the last crumpet at tea time, betting on a spot of long-term upside. 🧐💰
Anchorage Digital Bank NA, the fanciest federally chartered digital asset bank this side of the blockchain, will be the brains behind USAT’s issuance, reserve management, and compliance. 🧠✨ According to a press release shared with TopMob, this partnership is like peanut butter and jelly-except it’s crypto rails and bank oversight. 🥜🍇
Le REX-Osprey XRP ETF, $XRPR, arrive ! Oui, oui, il sera le premier ETF américain à offrir aux investisseurs une exposition directe au troisième plus gros de la cryptomonnaie, $XRP. Une première ! Foule enthousiaste ! 🎉
At the hour of penning this account, Dogecoin hovered near $0.26, its daily commerce a robust $6.15 billion – quite a lively party for so humble a coin. Though it slipped 10% in a day, it still parades a 13% gain over the past week, as if to mock its own fragility. This recent fall came after a multi-day pirouette of rising prices, and now some arcane contraption, the TD Sequential, hints that the descent might pause, if not bow out altogether.
Transak proudly announces that Metamask users in the U.S. and EU can now snag stablecoins at near-perfect 1:1 rates without the pesky detour to “some other site.” Bank transfers, cards – you name it, just don’t leave your cozy wallet universe. Oh, and keep an eyeball out for Circle’s USDC, Tether’s USDT, plus mUSD staging its debut like a dramatic understudy finally getting the spotlight.
What? Imperfect? The very notion! One might as well accuse the sun of failing to rise. Yet, among the initiated, this truth is whispered like a forbidden heresy, a secret too glaring to confess. For the devout, Bitcoin is but a vault for the soulless, while the rest of us crave the fire of utility. 🔥
