In their epistle, these visionaries proclaim the order’s potential to enrich the golden years of “millions of Americans.” They wax poetic on the virtues of alternative investments, such as the enigmatic crypto, which, they assure us, shall bolster the risk-adjusted returns of retirement accounts-when deemed fitting by the wise plan fiduciaries, of course. 🧙♂️📈
Solana now graces the stage of Crosschain Swaps 🎭
Picture this: Metaplanet, a mysterious creature from Japan’s corporate jungle, just snagged 5,419 Bitcoins-worth a gobsmacking $632 million! They’ve pushed past Bullish (sounds like a bull in a china shop), stealing their thunder and settling into the fifth spot on the corporate Bitcoin leaderboard. But-plot twist!-while their Bitcoin treasure chest swells, their stock price decided to sulk and tiptoe down just a smidge. Oh, the drama! 🤑📉
Let us not sugarcoat it: the daily chart served up a capitulation candle, a weeping wick that plunged from $4,600 to $4,029. Traders, poor souls, watched their portfolios wither like autumn leaves under the weight of panic selling. High volume confirmed the tragedy-yet that tiny wick at the candle’s bottom suggests someone, somewhere, saw value in the chaos. Redemption? Ethereum must now perform a convincing pirouette above $4,300, lest the bears claim their due. 💸
Behold, the altcoins! Those intrepid pioneers of utility and innovation, standing tall amidst the chaos. Their robustness is not merely a feature but a testament to their indomitable spirit. 💪
According to Nohap News-which, contrary to its name, is not a nap advisory service-36,684 STRs zoomed into the FIU’s inbox between January and August 2025. That’s more than the combined total of the past two years! For context: in 2021, they had all of 199 reports. Today? They’re drowning in paper trails like a bureaucrat’s nightmare. 📜
Meanwhile, Dennis Porter from the Satoshi Action Group threw some political spice into the mix, branding tomorrow as a ‘defining moment.’ Because, you know, nothing says ‘crypto’ like a political upheaval! 🙄
PayPal Ventures, ever the shrewd investor, has thrown its lot in with Stable, aiming to hoist PYUSD onto the Stablechain. “A commitment to utility!” declares David Weber, the PYUSD ecosystem head, with the fervor of a man who’s just discovered fire. 🔥 Fast transactions, seamless settlements-the promises are grand, the reality yet to be seen. But who are we to doubt the march of progress? 🤔
The Ministry, in its infinite wisdom, proclaims this system shall bring “greater certainty” to the crypto realm, while keeping the UAE in harmony with the global standards of tax transparency. Certainty, you say? In the world of crypto? Pray tell, is this not a jest most divine? 😄
Well, Bitcoin seems to be suffering from a serious case of indecision. It’s flitting around key resistance levels like it can’t decide whether to go to the pub or stay at home binge-watching reality TV. Over the last 24 hours, around 460,000 transactions happened-yup, that many! While 122,000 BTC made a grand exit across the blockchain like it’s fleeing a bad date. 🏃♂️💨 But the million-dollar question is: are these whales making deposits (bearish boo) or withdrawing to cold storage (bullish yay)? 🤷♀️
