His grand strategy? Put 10% in Bitcoin (“because magic internet money is the future, apparently”), 20% in real estate (“bricks and mortar, the original NFTs”), and 70% in SPY stocks (“or as I like to call them, ‘the grown-up section’ of your portfolio”).
This ‘24HRSCRYPTO’ – an epithet as mysterious as it is elongated – doth suggest that investors, those souls easily swayed by rumour and speculation, know not the true paucity of XRP available for trade. This dearth, combined with the insatiable appetites of certain… *institutions*, threatens a crisis of availability. 🎭
Fnality, a blockchain startup nestled in the foggy embrace of the U.K., has not merely raised funds but orchestrated a symphony of greed, securing a $136 million Series C round. The usual suspects-Wisdom Tree, Bank of America, Citi, KBC Group, Temasek, and Tradeweb-led the charge, their wallets heavier than their consciences. Lest we forget, the old guard-Banco Santander, Barclays, BNP Paribas, DTCC, Euroclear, Goldman Sachs, ING, Nasdaq Ventures, State Street, and UBS-also joined the feast, their hands outstretched like beggars at a tsar’s table. This capital, a mere drop in the ocean of their excess, will fuel the expansion of Fnality’s global bank tokenized settlement network, a monument to the illusion of progress. 🏗️💰
Tokenized assets,-oh yes, the shiny new fad-are sweeping through the halls of high finance faster than gossip in a village. Ripple just announced on Sept. 23 that RLUSD, their shiny stablecoin designed for big guys, will now buddy-up with Securitize’s platform, linking Blackrock’s BUIDL and Vaneck’s VBILL for a sharing economy of shares and stablecoins-because who doesn’t want a piece of the token pie?
Fold has finally debuted its new Bitcoin rewards credit card, because apparently, we’re all secretly crypto billionaires in the making. 🤑 The card runs on the Visa network (fancy!) and is powered by Stripe Issuing (techy!). The best part? No more juggling categories, staking tiers, or deciphering complicated token systems. Just spend money, get Bitcoin. It’s like magic, but with spreadsheets. 📈
Cardano (ADA), that most enigmatic of digital assets, currently trades at $0.82, a price point that suggests it has more in common with a teacup than a rocket ship. Despite a 24-hour volume of $1.8 billion, its weekly performance has been a masterclass in modesty-down 5%, one might say with the grace of a deflated balloon.
The proposal is now up for public scrutiny on X, where users are split between those who’d trade a kidney for cheaper transactions and those who fear their earnings will vanish like a mirage in the desert. The feedback stage is a critical juncture-will the proposal survive the gauntlet of opinions, or will it be buried under a mountain of skepticism?
Institutions, with their pockets deep as the Mariana Trench, are adopting Solana faster than a squirrel in a nut factory. Forward Industries, ever the trendsetter, has announced its grand entrance into the realm of tokenized shares on Solana. One might say they’re riding the wave of innovation-or perhaps they’re just chasing the next shiny object. 🐿️💸
According to CZ, the fake news from the Financial Times – which he hasn’t even read because he’s too busy saving the crypto world – is just “made-up stuff” for clicks and negativity. He’s so sure he hasn’t even looked at the article, he probably thinks the internet’s just a big troll. As far as he’s concerned: no fund, no demo, no drama. WTF is a demo, anyway? Sounds like something you get at a car dealership! 😂
Carl Runefelt, a.k.a. Carl Moon – yes, we’re not making this up – decided to part with more than $400K to Kids Operating Room, a charity performing life-saving surgeries on kids in places where medical care isn’t exactly Michelin-star quality.
