Cryptonews

Kraken, in a move that would make even the most jaded political operative raise an eyebrow, has pledged $2 million to PACs defending crypto rights-because what better way to fight centralized tyranny than by throwing money at Washington? The exchange, with the subtlety of a squid in a fishbowl, will donate $1 million to the Freedom Fund PAC (a name so patriotic it practically comes with fireworks) and another million to America First Digital in 2025. Because nothing screams “decentralization” like PACs registered with the FEC. 🎆

“Ah, the symphony of progress!” Crossmint proclaimed on a Wednesday bathed in the light of ambition. “With Crossmint Wallets and APIs as our lyre, and USDC as our muse, we compose a financial ode where money flows like a river, borders dissolve like mist, and systems bow to both man and machine.” 🏛️✨

Precisely at 12:05 UTC, hackers associated with North Korea’s “Contagious Interview” group-aptly named because their exploits spread faster than gossip at a wizard’s convention-gained access to a Seedify developer’s private keys. With this golden ticket in hand, they exploited an Achilles heel in the platform’s cross-chain bridge contract on Avalanche, conjuring up a torrent of unauthorized SFUND tokens as if by dark magic.

It is with great delight that we note the Cardano blockchain, now eight years of age, continues to flourish. Though it has weathered the passage of a decade, the network remains as sprightly as a young lady at a ball, brimming with energy and expansion. 🕰️✨

Our sneaky friend, the descending trendline, has been dragging Worldcoin down somewhat steadily since its viral spike earlier this month, like a grumbling troll under a bridge. But, lo and behold!

TRON, that paragon of consistency, has quietly constructed a fortress of fundamentals. Behold its triumphs:

Trezor has graciously integrated this much-needed feature directly into its desktop app. The result? Your transactions are now channeled through private routes, effectively preventing those pesky MEV bots from ruining your day with front-running and other similar scams. How absolutely delightful. The protection spans Ethereum, BNB Chain, and Base, and it promises to make your swaps and trades a lot more predictable. Finally, a bit of peace and quiet in the crypto wilds.

In the far-off land of Twitter (or “X,” as the young folks insist), the wise sage Clemente squawked about this baffling “disconnect.” Imagine this: Uniswap rakes in an eye-popping $1.65 billion in fees every year, which is enough to buy a small island or at least a mountain of chocolate bars. Meanwhile, Asset Labs sips a modest $50 million annual tea. Sounds like a jolly good show, right? Yet, the token’s price remains mired at a measly $9.11, holding firm to a $5.7 billion market cap with all the excitement of a snail on vacation.

After weeks of whispers, wagers, and wild speculation (mostly on whether this was a Ponzi scheme or just a *very* elaborate April Fools’ joke 🤹), Native Markets finally won the golden ticket to power USDH. Congrats! Now, please explain what “powering” means without using the word “blockchain.”

If the capital keeps swinging into other tokens like a drunken sailor, we might see the gaming sector get back on its feet, dancing to the music of crypto revival-cue the confetti and jazz hands! 🎉✋