Cryptonews

The Unvarnished Truth:

Recall, dear reader, the days when onchain fees barely whispered past $2 billion. Now, they roar-a lion of utility, unshackled from the 2021 hype circus. 🎪✨ Fewer clowns, more clerks. Fewer bubbles, more bread.

The well-known cosmic traders at Coinbase, in a moment of millennial awe or perhaps in the hope of extra-terrestrial recognition, have delivered stellar third-quarter results. They’ve gone on a crypto shopping spree, stockpiling Bitcoin like it’s the next Big Bang. It seems their grand vision of the “everything app” may actually include time travel or universal peace-it’s hard to say.

They’re playing their cards close to their feathery chests about how long this pilot will run-or whether there’s a secret handshake involved for evaluation criteria. Who knows?

The Bitcoin ETP, a sinuous creation by CoinShares (for whom the very name must be a dance of alchemical pride), shelters BTC as its “underlying asset.” A phrase so clinical it makes one yearn for the days of cathedral-window metaphors. The ETP, however, shall arrive not as a prince, but as a delivery-only trooper: “execution-only,” in banking parlance, which translates to: “Buy it yourself, dear sir or madam! Our advice is as scarce as sunny days in Helsinki.” 🧊

This deepening scarcity is practically begging for attention, and guess what? The data’s throwing up red flags. Large-scale investors are scooping up these precious coins, setting up a potential supply shock. It’s like a game of musical chairs, and no one wants to be the one left standing. 🎶💰

Ah, but whispers stir! On-chain omens and cryptic charts now murmur: the duel between buyers and sellers may soon climax! Shall we dance with the devil… or the angel? 🤔

Strategy (MSTR), the largest corporate holder of bitcoin, reported net income of $2.8 billion, or EPS of $8.42 for the third quarter of 2025. 🤡

Well, well, well, looks like Coinbase (COIN) has surprised everyone with a third-quarter performance so good, it’s got Wall Street doing a double-take. This wasn’t just some lucky break either; it was driven by a surge in trading activity, a comeback in asset prices, and-wait for it-growth in their subscription and services business. The U.S.-based exchange proudly reported a total revenue of $1.9 billion. That’s a sweet 58% jump from the $1.2 billion last year, and it beats the $1.8 billion that so-called “experts” had predicted.