BREAKING: Thiel’s Erebor Approved – Is Silicon Valley Bank Finally Out of Business? 🤔

Financial landscape

According to a hot-off-the-press report from the Financial Times (published on a Wednesday, no less, the wildest day of the week), Erebor has snatched up a preliminary banking charter. But hold your horses, folks! They still need to jump through several compliance and security hoops before they can officially werk it. That delicate dance could take, oh, forever. Time is just a social construct, right? 😏

Brevis Smashes Ethereum’s Speed Limits – 99% Proving Speed? Shocking! 🚀

According to a press release shared with crypto.news on October 15 (yes, we’re that cutting edge), Brevis’s Pico Prism zkVM has claimed the title of the first to achieve 99.6% proving coverage for Ethereum blocks under 12 seconds. The cherry on top? A whopping 96.8% of blocks have been proven in what the industry terms “real-time” (yes, under 10 seconds), while performing this feat on the current mainnet with its paltry 45 million gas limit. Oh, and did I mention they did this while slashing GPU hardware costs by 50%? Seems Brevis isn’t just good at proving speed, but also saving a buck or two. 🤑

Crypto Chaos: Uptober’s Twisted Triumph! 💥🤡

The recent crypto crash, that theatrical tempest in a teapot, ravaged the markets with the fervor of a drunken elephant, birthing the largest liquidation spree in the annals of pixelated wealth-a veritable massacre of leveraged dreams. Ah, the irony of prosperity’s fragility!

🚀 XRP’s Wild Wedge: Will It Soar or Plunge? 🌪️

Mystical Wedge of Fate

At the stroke of this digital quill, XRP stands at $2.53, a modest 2% rise in the past 24 hours, yet still nursing a 12% wound from the week’s travails. CoinGecko, that trusty oracle of the crypto realm, has spoken, and the numbers do not lie-though they do occasionally giggle behind our backs. 😏