U.S. lawmakers, armed with the optimism of a man who’s just discovered a new religion, shared social media posts that hinted at negotiations nearing consensus-though one might argue they’ve been “near” since the invention of the wheel. The sentiment was that bipartisan legislation to support the digital asset industry is “within reach,” a phrase that has haunted Washington since the days of the Whiskey Rebellion. 🕵️♂️
This little escapade shows some serious conviction, but let’s be real-it’s not like the rest of the market is throwing a party over it. 🎉 Large players are often just repositioning to make sure they can dance around any potential risks.
Unlike those past rallies where any random L1 news could ignite a short-lived spike (like finding out your ex is on a dating app), this time it feels different. Now, we’re talking about the real deal: what actually attracts capital. Spoiler alert: it’s not just a cute dog video. 🐶💸
In a most delightful proclamation upon the platform known as X (how very modern!), Santiment has taken it upon themselves to unveil the whimsical behaviors of those who hold the mighty Bitcoin. On one side, we have the formidable sharks and whales; on the other, the charmingly naive retail investors-those with wallets heavier than a feather! 🐠💰
In a tale that would make Willy Wonka shudder, Brazilian nifty coppers cracked the case of the cheeky young codecracker known as Franca. In July 2024, this cookie thief sneaked into the Cashway payment system the way a mouse steals cheese, breaking into dormant employee accounts that hadn’t even been scrubbed since the days of VHS.
On a particularly gloomy Wednesday, the much-ballyhooed stablecoin bill found itself stuck in the Senate, leaving digital-asset firms clutching their wallets tighter than a squirrel holding onto its last acorn. 🐿️
The long-anticipated bill was postponed Wednesday night after a late policy debate, following prominent industry figures’ withdrawal of support for the CLARITY Act, prompting the committee to halt proceedings. 🕵️♂️
It seems that the corporate accumulation of Bitcoin has become the talk of the town. MicroStrategy, in its infinite wisdom, has decided to acquire 13,267 BTC for a cool $1.25 billion, thereby elevating its total holdings to a staggering 687,000 BTC. One can only assume that their strategy revolves around treating Bitcoin as a treasury asset-because why not? In this age of uncertainty, it’s either Bitcoin or a set of fine china, and let’s be honest, the latter won’t buy you a yacht.
Clutch your coffee; Ethereum, the market’s heartbeat, and the orbit of a global creator collide in a deal that makes the street mutter and the office workers snicker 😂.
On the illustrious date of January 21, from 10:15 to 11:00 CET, Garlinghouse will join a gaggle of other luminaries-including Coinbase CEO Brian Armstrong, Standard Chartered’s Bill Winters, and the venerable ECB Governor François Villeroy de Galhau-on a panel whimsically titled “Is Tokenization the Future?” What a question! It’s as if they’re asking, “Is bread the future of toast?” 🍞✨
