Cryptonews

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All in all, it’s just another day in the world of celebrities, crypto, and big investments. Meanwhile, I’m just sitting here wondering, “Are we seriously doing this?” 😂

Behold, Ali Martinez, prophet of the weekly BTC chart, unveils a sell signal on the Supertrend-a harbinger of doom, much like the last time it hissed its warning, sending Bitcoin into a freefall that left wallets empty and souls barren. A buy signal followed, a false promise of redemption, before the rally began. Now, traders clutch their chests, hearts pounding with the dread of a familiar dance: “What if this time, the abyss claims us all? 😈”

Everyone chasing a clean story in a messy market? Capital swanned into privacy coins while the rest of the garden party froze. Monero, bless its heart, barely even wiggled during the surge.

But wait, it gets juicier. Only companies in Belarus’ fancy High-Tech Park (HTP) can set up as crypto banks – because of course, innovation needs a velvet rope. They have to be on a special government list, and they don’t get to call themselves proper banks. Nope, they’re more like “fancy financial clubs” under tight controls. Think of it as crypto chic meets watchful eye – all the glamour, with a side of “don’t screw up.”

Bitcoin hovers around 95,000, a stubborn bird at the edge of a cliff, the dream of 100,000 fluttering just out of reach. And David, the analyst, suggests the resistance is not born of breath but of calculation, a mathematical cage that a cathedral of numbers keeps shut.

The announcement arrives with the air of a whispered tip about a secret shortcut-no grand policy, no corporate papyrus, merely a local clerk with a twinkle and a calculator that refuses to sleep. One suspects the idea grew in the margins of the store, watered by caffeine and the tremulous hope that commerce might be saved by a lightning bolt. ⚡️

With the 2026 FIFA World Cup looming like a giant, shiny trophy, fan token interest is back with a vengeance. CHZ, being the clever little scamp it is, has seized the moment with the gusto of a dwarf at a beer festival. 🎉 Instead of fizzling out like a damp firework, it’s holding steady above old resistance levels, painting a picture as bullish as a charging rhinoceros.

The crypto-linked credit card, once a thorny vine, now bears a peculiar fruit in Argentina.

Thus, the gates of institutional legitimacy creak open wider-though, amusingly, ADA, LINK, and XLM barely blinked at the news. Perhaps they were too busy napping. 💤