Cryptonews

Though the token hath risen by a staggering 79% over the past seven days, this recent dip may well be but a brief respite before another ascent, provided it doth remain above the fabled support level. 🐷

Bitcoin ($BTC) is having a bit of a comeback this week, clawing its way back to the $115K mark. But let’s be honest, the market’s still jittery-like a caffeine-addicted squirrel waiting for the Fed’s next announcement. 🐿️☕

Technical analysts, those modern-day prophets, keep their eyes glued to $2.7 and $2.82, as if these numbers hold the secrets of the universe. One wonders if they’ve considered consulting a tarot card reader instead. 🃏

The Nasdaq-listed leviathan, ever the opportunist, snatched up these shares late last week-right after dumping ETH like a man fleeing a burning house with his pockets full of kindling. An Oct. 27 press release solemnly declared this maneuver, as though announcing the birth of a new messiah rather than a desperate attempt to plug a sinking ship.

Lo and behold, such an initiative springs forth amid the clamor of global banking houses, hastening their dalliances with dollar tokens following the illustrious-and one may dare to say, miraculously inspired-passage of the U.S. GENIUS Act. This blessed legislation laid the cornerstone for stablecoins, demarcating the first federal framework of yore. A guild of shadowy sources, versed in the secret pathways of Citi’s grand design, whisper of their noble efforts to erect a bastion for payments that flicker seamlessly, rivaling the very celerity and transparency of blockchain selfsame spirits.

DOGE, briefly inspired by its allies BTC and ETH, mustered a feeble ascent above $0.1920. Alas, the coin’s folly led it to $0.2020 and $0.2050, where it peaked at $0.2094-only to waltz downward again, much like a candle in a draft.

The clock ticks-19 hours remain until the next price hike, a ritual as predictable as the sun’s rise, yet as meaningless as a sinner’s prayer. Dynamic pricing, they call it. A dance of numbers, a charade of progress. From $0.00015000 to this, this… masterpiece of mediocrity. And the faithful, the early backers, are rewarded with crumbs. Transparency, they say. Growth, they promise. But is it not all a grand illusion, a mirror reflecting our own desperation? 🪞

Enter the valiant knight, US Representative Ro Khanna. Known both for veering into the progressive rabbit hole and for somehow multitasking four or so gigs in his cosmic mind, he wowed the crowd on MSNBC with his concerns over POTUS Pete’s apparent love-hate affair with crypto. Why? Because ol’ Trumpy’s got a son with a crypto biz named World Liberty Financial (WLFI). Because, you know, nepotism makes zero family members uncomfortable. 🤷‍♀️

Behold, the British Isles’ digital titan, ClearBank, has struck a deal with Circle, the sovereign of USDC! 🌍💸 A union not born of mere commerce, but of a shared vision to flood Europe with the golden currents of stablecoins. The world watches, breath held, as this alliance promises to reshape the financial cosmos. 🤯

“We see Strategy’s obsession with Bitcoin, its narrow-minded business focus, and the feeble fortress of its risk buffer as delightful weaknesses,” whispered the rating spirits on a Monday perhaps filled with too much coffee and too little hope. 😅