In a recent CNBC appearance, the Strategy founder-a man who’s bet his entire farm (and then some) on Bitcoin-declared with the confidence of a riverboat gambler that Bitcoin is destined to hit $150,000 by the end of 2025. And that, my friends, is just the appetizer. For the main course, he’s serving up a prediction that’ll make your wallet weep with envy: $20 million per coin over the next two decades. 🤑🚀
As revealed by the ever-watchful on-chain data analytics platform known as Lookonchain, our whale investor, identified only by the most mysterious address, 0xc2a3, hath recently tilted his affections toward Solana. Indeed, he hath divested his holdings in Bitcoin and Ethereum just a mere day after augmenting his Bitcoin longs to a staggering sum of 2,186.34 BTC. Ah, the dramatic flair!
Matt Hougan, Bitwise’s chief investment officer (a title so fancy it makes you want to wear a monocle), was practically glowing when talking about the Bitwise Solana Staking ETF (BSOL). He called it “the missing part of the puzzle,” during a chat on CryptoMoon’s Chain Reaction daily show. And, as if on cue, millions of dollars flooded in. 💸
Ah, the sweet scent of progress! BDACS, the so-called “prominent” South Korean company, has once again partnered with Circle, the blockchain giant, to bring its pride and joy-KRW1-to the world. This is no mere crypto gimmick, folks. No, no. KRW1, which once debuted timidly on the Avalanche network, now seeks to extend its reach to global heights. You can almost hear the applause-don’t you just love it when things fall into place?
Enter The Real Remi Relief, a man who’s either a prophet or really good at using emojis. 🦸♂️ He claims XRP at $1,000 is “peanuts” compared to the U.S. national debt of $37.8 trillion. Let’s all pause to appreciate the sheer audacity of calling a $1,000 crypto price “peanuts.” Meanwhile, the average American is over here struggling to afford a 2025 toaster. 🍞
According to a Wednesday communiqué (which is just fancy talk for “we pressed send”), the product-called the Grayscale Solana Trust ETF-began trading under the snazzy ticker GSOL on the New York Stock Exchange Arca. Because nothing says “serious” like having your fund live on what sounds like a robot’s coffee machine. ☕🤖
According to the solemn scrolls of Yonhap News, BDACS inked a “memorandum of understanding” with Circle, the alchemists of stablecoins. Technical cooperation! Regulatory alignment! Ecosystem development! Truly, the holy trinity of blockchain buzzwords. One wonders if they’ll also share a group hug. 🤝
Schiff, that relentless prophet of gloom, declares that Bitcoin will not be slain by some cosmic catastrophe or a sinister AI war, but will quietly expire, like a dying man who stops crying out not because a fist has struck him, but because he simply ceases to believe. The scene is not of sudden darkness, but of a slow, indifferent fading; the lights go out not with a bang but with a shrug-everyone drifts away as if from a tavern where the music has died, leaving behind only echoes and empty chairs.
Ah, but what a comedic farce it is, for CZ now joins the growing legion of crypto captains who’ve found solace in the President’s warm embrace just like a stray cat on a cold winter’s night. Shocking, isn’t it? Trump, with the grace of a dancing bear, already foreshadowed this dizzying pirouette on the campaign trail, promising clemency to those he deemed wronged by the adversaries of justice-read: the Biden administration!
Expect this brilliant innovation to start trading on the SIX Swiss Exchange any day now under the catchy ticker STAO. Yes, you read that right, STAO. We can only assume they’ve mastered the art of keeping things simple for their customers. 🙄
