Michael Saylor, with the flair of a man who hath never met a ledger he did not adore, declared that Strategy (formerly MicroStrategy) hath procured an additional 3,081 Bitcoin [BTC], at a cost of $357 million, as if such sums were mere pocket change. 🤑
Last week, Ethereum pranced up to $4,946 like it owned the dang place. Then it dipped-just enough to keep folks sweatin’ in their boots. But lemme tell ya, the big picture’s brighter than a gold nugget in the sun. Institutions poured $11 billion into ETH this year, and U.S. ETFs are sittin’ on $23 billion like a dragon hoardin’ treasure. 🐉💰
However, the moving averages tell a more affirmative tale. From the 10-day EMA ($44.16) through the 200-day SMA ($29.32), every key indicator flashes buy signals, confirming an uptrend. It’s all dreadfully predictable, isn’t it?
This strength has caught the eye of veteran crypto trader CasiTrades, who now predicts the XRP price to surge towards $5 soon. 🧠✨
“This limited edition metal card gives up to 4% back in XRP instantly. No waiting, just stacking,” Gemini chirped on X. Which, let’s be real, is crypto speak for “please use our app.” It’s very… earnest. 😇
Why, Bitcoin frolicked off the stage after being bandied below that cherished $113,500 level. It then found itself entranced by bearish charm, disappearing beneath the comforting embrace of the $112,000 level-like a fish slipping away from the greased frying pan.
Market sage Willy Woo had some juicy insights, noting that many early birds snagged coins for a mere pittance-under $10 each. Fast-forward to today, and every coin sold demands a whopping $110,000 to balance out the books. That’s right, folks, a little push of a button, and *poof*-a tidal wave of downward momentum. How utterly delightful for the large holders!
Executive Chairman McAndrew Rudisill, channeling the gravitas of a man who’s seen both the rise of empires and the fall of his second-best suit, proclaimed:
Yes, the AI industry, like a provincial gentleman copying the foppish manners of a St. Petersburg dandy, is aping the crypto playbook. On a Monday, no less-a day already cursed with the existential dread of the workweek-this group of firms and magnates unveiled their “Leading the Future” platform. A name so grandiose and full of promise, it surely hides a multitude of sins and secret committees! Its sole purpose: to artfully bend the rules surrounding their wondrous, and slightly terrifying, thinking machines.
