Cryptonews

But let’s rewind with the grace of a sugar-plumed peacock to last Friday, shall we?

CROCRO$0.1953◢21.03%

But wait, there’s more! New intel suggests that things might not be as reckless as they sound-surprise, surprise. 😏

When queried about the Solana-versus-Ethereum skirmish, King minced no words: “Ethereum, the silverback gorilla of crypto, sits comfortably in the number two spot. Solana, our radiant underdog, is among the top five, poised to dethrone the incumbent. This debate is so heated, I might as well have suggested that the Earth is flat!”

As Powell charmingly suggested that the economy might just be on its best behaviour, gold’s price ascended gracefully by around 1%, flirting with $3,370 an ounce. Meanwhile, the dollar took a backseat, and Treasury yields, those ever-dull but essential actors, bowed gracefully, opening the door for our favorite safe haven to strut its stuff. The market’s collective imagination was stirred: perhaps we’re drafting a dovish masterpiece, and gold is the star.

If approved, this ETF will trade on a U.S. exchange under a secret code name (probably something like $MOONLAMBO). Investors can finally pretend they’re sophisticated while gambling on a token that’s down 5% in 24 hours. 🎰

00 UTC sharp. Imagine the excitement! 🕰️

The findings-because of course, it’s a finding and not a mere suspicion-reveal the United Arab Emirates (UAE) hoards 6,333 BTC. These were mined with the elegance of a symphony orchestra, not purchased like a loaf of bread or seized like a rogue’s treasure.

Summary

Michael Saylor, with the flair of a man who hath never met a ledger he did not adore, declared that Strategy (formerly MicroStrategy) hath procured an additional 3,081 Bitcoin [BTC], at a cost of $357 million, as if such sums were mere pocket change. 🤑