Cryptonews

The rules? Oh, they’re as strict as a Canadian winter. ❄️ Companies issuing stablecoins will have to play by the book: protect users’ money, safeguard personal information, and pass national security checks. Redemption policies will be clearer than a mountain lake, ensuring you can always swap your coins for cold, hard cash. 🏦 According to the budget report, the Bank of Canada will be the ringmaster of this circus, managing the system and handling its funding. They’ll stash away $10 million over two years, starting in 2026-2027, to get the ball rolling. After that, stablecoin issuers will foot the bill with annual fees of about $5 million. 💼

The slide, a tragicomedy of misplaced confidence, marks a new act in Bitcoin’s ongoing correction. Traders, once buoyed by optimism, now squirm like ants under a magnifying glass.

Announced on Tuesday, my dears, this transaction is set to plump up Canaan’s balance sheet like a well-fed goose, reducing its reliance on those tiresome at-the-market (ATM) capital raises. Under the deal, these savvy investors snapped up 63.7 million American depositary shares-Canaan’s Class A stock, no less-at a mere $1.13 each. A registered direct offering, of course. How très chic! 🥂

As reported by U.Today, Ripple has secured a staggering $500 million from Fortress Investment Group, Pantera Capital, Galaxy Digital, and other “major names.” One can only imagine the champagne flowing like a waterfall at their next board meeting. 🥂

This token has crashed the top 100 cryptocurrencies like it’s a party it wasn’t invited to, with its market cap now strutting past $500 million. And it’s doing all this while the rest of the crypto market is sulking in the corner, nursing its wounds. ZKsync, meanwhile, is over here like, “Downturn? I barely know her!” 😎

Bitcoin struggles to recoup losses that sparked multimonth lows under $100,000-because who needs confidence when you can have chaos? 🐳💸

A spot of news from Lookonchain, that clever on-chain data aggregation platform, confirms the ruckus was kicked off by some jolly large sell-offs. It seems the big fish-or should I say, whales-have been shifting their considerable stacks of Bitcoin into exchanges, cashing in their chips like it’s a high-stakes game of bridge. 🏦🐳

So, what’s the tea? 🍵 Cactus Custody is bringing its Off-Exchange Settlement (OES) solution, aka Cactus Oasis, to KuCoin’s platform. Fancy, right? This means institutional bigwigs can trade on KuCoin’s spot, margin, options, and perpetual futures markets without pre-funding their wallets. Basically, your assets stay snug in Cactus Custody’s regulated vault until the deal’s done. No more leaving your purse unattended at the bar! 🕶️

Yet, amidst this financial Siberia, a handful of crypto whales-those leviathans of the digital deep-have chosen to swim against the crimson tide. With a defiance that borders on madness, they open new long positions, as if whispering to the market, “You shall not break us.” 🦈✊

Apparently, some fancy deployer called tradexyz dropped 500 HYPE (aka $18,976, which is like, a year’s worth of Pinot Grigio 🍷) to secure the $COIN ticker. All this drama unfolded via a HIP-3 deployment bid, because nothing says “crypto” like a Dutch Auction and a side of jargon. 🏛️💰