Cryptonews

There was a recent whisper from the wise MrD Indicators, a brave attempt to catch a falling star—or, more accurately, a plummeting coin—setting an entry at the ludicrous range of $830.6 to $845.47. Targets were laid out like breadcrumbs on a wolf’s path, and stop-losses placed at $907.02, so the trader’s hopes could be dashed mercilessly. And dash they did—each target shattered with cruel precision, unleashing a modest harvest of 163.70%—a number that stings like a slap when you realize it’s just a flicker amidst the darkness.

Meanwhile, IBM struts onto the scene with its Blue Jay, promising to assemble over 2,000 qubits by 2033—because nothing screams “fun” like quantum chaos knocking on the blockchain’s door. Elon, with his usual calm, asks Grok: how risky is it really? The AI, with all the confidence of a cat ignoring a bath, says it’s probably nothing to worry about—at least until 2035, when the risks might creep up to 10% or so. Plenty of time to sip tea and pretend everything is fine, right?

The sculpture had not fled for ideological reasons—this isn’t Dostoevsky’s Russia, after all. No, it was yanked from its pedestal in Parco Ciani and tossed overboard by hands as unknown as the statue’s original subject. The lake, always eager for gossip, welcomed it without question.

Behind this jolly jamboree is the MemeX Liquidity Festival, slated for August 4, 2025—mark your calendars and hide your valuables! Organizers, in a fit of generous caprice, have promised on-chain rewards so secretive they’d make the Sphinx blush. It’s enough to turn even the most unsociable trader into a veritable Midas—well, for a few fleeting moments, at least.

In the first days of August, these aquatic giants collectively dropped over $400 million into ETH, shouting, “We believe in this digital magic pudding.” Apparently, confidence in the long-term future of their digital goldfish is a thing — or at least, it’s what they tell themselves as they watch their $300 million silverfish swim around in the deep end of Galaxy Digital’s OTC pool.

According to Arkham’s investigation, LuBian lost a whopping 127,426 BTC to hackers in December 2020. At the time, Bitcoin was trading around $27,000, which meant the hackers made off with a cool $3.5 billion. That’s like stealing a small country’s GDP! 🤑

The article, which originally originated from The Motley Fool (who are experts in making you feel like you’re missing the boat), suggests that XRP’s colossal market cap of $170 billion somehow means it’s less likely to explode like a fireworks factory. Instead, it will amble along, growing methodically like that friend who insists “slow and steady wins the race”—except, you know, with billions of dollars involved.

According to the genius data from CoinWarz—yeah, the guys who know everything—difficulty is peaking at a score of 127.6 trillion. That’s right! It’s like trying to open a stubborn jar of pickles when you just want a snack. And just like Mel Brooks’ slapstick, this difficulty adjusts every 2,016 blocks, or roughly two weeks—because who doesn’t enjoy a little periodic chaos? Next stop? About 124 trillion, if the miners can survive the next episode of “Mining Impossible.”

So, what does Mr. X (couldn’t resist) do next? He flips open Twitter—sorry, X—and publicly quizzes Grok, his platform’s resident AI, about the odds of Bitcoin’s beloved SHA-256 getting cracked by quantum computers. Because why not do cryptography by group chat if you’re literally the richest human on Earth?

They’re talkin’ ‘bout how XRP can move money ‘round the world. Real useful, they say. Like those fancy new tractors that just sit in the barn ’cause nobody knows how to fix ’em. Useful in theory, maybe.