Cryptonews

The “UNIfication” proposal, as it’s called (not to be confused with a high school chemistry experiment), suggests activating a protocol-level fee mechanism that will burn UNI tokens like there’s no tomorrow. But wait, there’s more! The plan also includes creating a Protocol Fee Discount Auctions system to boost liquidity provider returns – because let’s face it, liquidity providers are the unsung heroes of the crypto world.

This safe harbor resolves long-standing tax and legal issues that prevented institutional funds from joining proof-of-stake (PoS) networks. Or, as the bureaucrats might say, “We’ve finally figured out how to make money while pretending we understand blockchain.” 🧙♂️

Despite a wobbly start, the crypto world clung to its gains like a child clutching a favorite teddy bear, all thanks to the faint hope of a government shutdown ending. 🧸

The crypto crowd is buzzing louder than a hive of caffeinated bees. Some say the OGs (that’s ‘original gangsters’ in crypto speak) are quietly offloading their coins, slipping out the door, and leaving us all in the dust. Others reckon it’s just careful housekeeping-moving BTC to more ‘secure’ vaults or doing some collateral shuffle. Sounds like a digital game of hide and seek, right? 🕵️‍♂️🖥️

On November 10, BitMine Immersion Technologies grinned as it revealed it had gobbled up 110,288 Ethereum tokens just last week, making the most of the market’s brief moments of weakness. This hefty $400 million investment brought the company’s total stash to 3.5 million ETH, or about $12.7 billion at today’s prices. Yes, billion, with a “B”.

A certain analyst, whose name shall remain unuttered (lest we grant him undue fame), dares to whisper that Ethereum’s revival is but a fleeting illusion. “A multi-month downtrend,” he murmurs, as if reciting a dirge. How dramatic! 🦉✨ And yet, one must admit, his caution is not entirely unwarranted. The $4,000 threshold looms like a sphinx, its riddle unsolved, its claws poised to strike.

Stadelmann also blamed the economy, because of course he did. “Macroeconomic uncertainty” is just a fancy way of saying, “We’re all winging it.” Meanwhile, Bitcoin ventures are like that one friend who insists on paying in cash-no VCs needed, thanks to their bootstrapping, community-loving ways. Gabe Salinas, CEO of Alamo Labs, put it best: “Bitcoin doesn’t need your fancy VC money. It’s got its own fan club.” 🎩✨

Ah, Monday-the day ICP decided to send its investors into a frenzy. The token took a dramatic 11.2% plunge to $6.69, smashing through the sacred $7.00 support level as though it were an obstacle in an absurdist play. It was like a well-scripted tragedy, complete with a surprise twist: the decline has been steadily unfolding for the past week, a perfect follow-up to the previously “hopeful” $8.76 rally. Alas, the fairytale didn’t last long-ICP’s descent was the stuff of nightmares. CoinDesk’s technical research (bless them) tells us this was one of the sharpest drops seen in months. Maybe next time, ICP, try a more graceful exit.

On Tuesday, Stellar’s XLM token-ever the drama queen-rose 3.62% to $0.3004, making a showy break above key resistance. The volume? Well, it soared nearly 19% above its 30-day average, as if to announce to the world, “I’m here to stay!” This move put XLM ahead of the broader crypto market by 4.86%, nudging it closer to the 5% relative strength threshold. That magic number, of course, is often the harbinger of a breakout that leaves us all holding our breath.

The Senate, that paragon of efficiency, has finally brokered a budget bill to end the longest-ever government shutdown. One might say it’s a triumph of democracy, or perhaps just a temporary reprieve from the chaos. 🚀