Cryptonews

Summary

Why, Bitcoin frolicked off the stage after being bandied below that cherished $113,500 level. It then found itself entranced by bearish charm, disappearing beneath the comforting embrace of the $112,000 level-like a fish slipping away from the greased frying pan.

Market sage Willy Woo had some juicy insights, noting that many early birds snagged coins for a mere pittance-under $10 each. Fast-forward to today, and every coin sold demands a whopping $110,000 to balance out the books. That’s right, folks, a little push of a button, and *poof*-a tidal wave of downward momentum. How utterly delightful for the large holders!

Executive Chairman McAndrew Rudisill, channeling the gravitas of a man who’s seen both the rise of empires and the fall of his second-best suit, proclaimed:

Yes, the AI industry, like a provincial gentleman copying the foppish manners of a St. Petersburg dandy, is aping the crypto playbook. On a Monday, no less-a day already cursed with the existential dread of the workweek-this group of firms and magnates unveiled their “Leading the Future” platform. A name so grandiose and full of promise, it surely hides a multitude of sins and secret committees! Its sole purpose: to artfully bend the rules surrounding their wondrous, and slightly terrifying, thinking machines.

In mid-August, the crypto world threw a party nobody wanted-a sell-off so fierce even Bitcoin and Ethereum were blushin’ red. Altcoins like XRP, being the high-beta daredevils they are, got tossed into the fire. The $3 support level? Gone faster than a squirrel at a nut shortage. 🐿️🔥

Now, according to Seyffart (who, let’s face it, likely knows more about the SEC’s internal workings than the SEC itself), these amendments were probably the result of some gentle feedback from the Commission. Ah, the sweet sound of “suggestions,” such a polite way of saying “fix this or we’ll drag our feet forever.” However, Seyffart assures us that this is “a good sign,” even though it’s what we all expected. It’s almost like a game of financial musical chairs where everyone is waiting for someone to finally say “go.”

Read More 2025-08-25 22:07

The tide? Oh, the tide turned with the grace of a drunken sailor. After nearly three months of steady gains, ether ETFs, the good old reliable, finally turned red. Bitcoin funds? They went full hemorrhage mode, spilling their guts in the form of a record-setting $1.17 billion exit. Yes, every single day of that week closed with red ink, like a bad painting. Tuesday was the real kicker, with a heartbreakingly dramatic $523.31 million yanked out in one gulp-like stealing the last slice of pizza.

According to our embattled cetacean capitalist, his account was locked tighter than a miser’s wallet last July, despite having dutifully completed all the KYC procedures one could reasonably expect of him. No violations, no funny business – just a spotless record. Yet MEXC, with the kind of bureaucratic flourish that would make Kafka proud, informed him the funds might remain frozen for an entire year under some nebulous “internal review process.” Absurd? Preposterous? An insult to the very concept of common sense? Our friend White Whale certainly thinks so. On X (formerly Twitter, but let’s not get bogged down in rebranding woes), he quipped that his only crime was being “too profitable.” One pictures him saying this with a monocle firmly affixed and a glass of port halfway to his lips. Cheers to that, old chap! 🥂📉