Cryptonews

Executing GOOSE-3,” requires approval from Lido DAO token holders.

Adam Back, a cypherpunk extraordinaire and co-founder of Blockstream (basically the Zaphod Beeblebrox of Bitcoin infrastructure), took to X (formerly known as Twitter, but let’s not get into that) to assure everyone that Bitcoin is “quantum ready.” But don’t worry, he says, quantum computers are still “ridiculously early”-like, so early they’re probably still figuring out how to tie their own shoelaces. 👶💻 He predicts no quantum doom for at least a decade, and even if some encryption bits get cracked, Bitcoin’s core security is as solid as the Restaurant at the End of the Universe’s menu. No stolen Bitcoin, no panic, just a lot of unnecessary hand-wringing.

Yet CRV, that melancholic soul, fell 2.63% in this very period. A week? Oh, merely a 9.9% descent into the abyss. How poetic, how utterly Russian 🥟. Even Bitcoin, the tsar of crypto, was humiliated at $90k, rejected like a suitor at a provincial ball.

According to Sacks, Senate Banking Chair Tim Scott and Agriculture Chair John Boozman (yes, the same Agriculture Committee that somehow ended up in the crypto game-go figure 🌽💻) have confirmed this bipartisan bill is hitting the Senate floor next month. And no, this isn’t another “maybe next year” promise. It’s happening. Allegedly. 🤞

Historically speaking, similar ascending channels in Ethereum’s charts have acted as a kind of fiscal safety net during midterm corrections. The observation of higher lows and specific volume patterns has traditionally been the trader’s preferred way to ascertain support-and, perhaps, a future rebound. Yet, one must remember, such signs remain less reliable when the network participation wanes, like a grand ball with fewer and fewer guests arriving.

In what they’re calling a “long-term competitive strategy,” Bitfinex has decided to cut those pesky maker and taker fees. And guess what? This isn’t just a one-time offer; it’s the new default. They’ve thrown open the doors to spot trading, margin trading, derivatives, securities, and even OTC trading on Bitfinex Securities. Just don’t ask them when this glorious free-for-all is going to end. They’re keeping that under wraps, probably because they’ve misplaced the calendar. 🗓️

Yes, folks, Intuit is teaming up with Circle to sprinkle some USDC magic across its platform. Credit Karma, TurboTax, QuickBooks-oh, the possibilities! 🤯

Ah, Bitcoin, the eternal tightrope walker of finance, balancing on the edge of a $1.125 trillion realized cap, while its price plunges like a melodramatic hero in a Pasternakian novel. 🌪️💔 Is this the bull market’s last gasp, or merely a dramatic pause before the next act? The on-chain metric, which values each bitcoin at its last moved price, suggests the latter-a quiet rebellion against speculative frenzy. 🕵️‍♂️

The analysts are split, folks-like a bad marriage counselor’s office. Half say it’s heading to the depths of despair, while the other half whispers, “Wait for the big comeback!” Classic drama, baby!

The Most Pressing Questions on Everyone’s Minds: