You see, Brandt, who’s been navigating markets since the era of rotary phones and disco balls, isn’t too thrilled about Robinhood’s new “Multiple accounts” feature. In fact, his reaction is somewhere between an eye-roll and a full-blown sarcastic roast. 🙃
Don’t get me wrong-Bitcoin still reigns supreme as the king of market cap and the poster child for “digital gold.” But let’s face it: Ethereum is now the funhouse mirror where all the action happens. Between ETH 2.0, staking fever, DeFi explosions, and Layer 2 wizardry like Arbitrum and Optimism, Ethereum has become the playground where traders frolic like kids in a candy store. 🎢🎢
With most of these funds earmarked to expand its already cosmic-size Bitcoin collection, Metaplanet is embracing digital assets in a ‘treasury strategy’ braver than a Vogon reciting poetry at dinner.
Ripple, the company behind that thing called XRP – which honestly still confuses everyone at family dinners – announced they’re teaming up with BBVA. You remember BBVA, the Spanish bank that in July 2025 decided, “Hey, why don’t we start trading and guarding Bitcoin and Ethereum for our everyday folks?” Yeah, that one.
Hold onto your digital wallets, folks, because this merger means Strive is about to raise a *whopping* $1.5 billion to fund its Bitcoin-buying spree. We’re talking about a corporate strategy that involves *a lot* of Bitcoin acquisition. And, no, we’re not talking about a few measly coins here and there. Strive is aiming for up to 13,450 BTC at current prices. That’s a pretty impressive chunk of the crypto pie.
So, the story goes. Alt5 Sigma, in a filing that appeared almost apologetically, confessed that Trump will merely be a spectator. This came just weeks after the initial announcement proclaiming him a director as part of a $1.5 billion deal with, naturally, a Trump-linked entity. A swift change after Nasdaq gently suggested, shall we say, a reassessment.
Having found itself a chum near $202, Solana once again dared to outpace the more pedestrian Bitcoin and Ethereum. It sashayed past $208 into what one might call a ‘short-term positive zone’-a phrase as comforting as a warm slippers on a damp morning.
XRP, that stubborn mule, has finally climbed over the fence of its descending trend line, a barrier that’s kept it penned in since its last wild ride. But hold your horses-momentum ain’t confirmed yet. Support’s camped out near $2.75 to $2.76, and as long as it stays above that, the trail looks clear for higher ground. On the flip side, resistance looms at $3.30, a gatekeeper that’ll decide if XRP’s got the grit for a sustainable rally. Clear that, and $3.67 to $3.68 is the next watering hole. At press time, XRP’s trotting at $2.95, up 5% this week. Not a stampede, but a start. 🐌
But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Tomorrow, the U.S. is set to release its Consumer Price Index (CPI) report, and as our intrepid analyst warns, “Be aware that tomorrow there is CPI news coming from the US and it probably, most likely at this point in the market, brings with it some sort of volatility.” It’s like saying, “Don’t forget your umbrella because it’s probably going to rain.” In other words, expect some market turbulence, whether it’s a bumpy ride up or a sudden drop. 📈📉
Un humble prophète nommé CryptoJobs, visible sur les parvis sacrés de TradingView, annonce que, peut-être dès la semaine prochaine, un ETF made in USA pour notre héros à quatre pattes verra le jour. Quelle fête ! Le voilà soudainement élevé au rang de star, du simple caniche de foire à l’élégant marquis du grand bal financier. Nul doute que ce mariage avec l’ETF gravera son noble nom dans le marbre de la légitimité. 👑