Glassnode, that oracle of on-chain despair, declared Monday that XRP’s “supply in profit” has sunk to November 2024 levels-when the coin traded at $0.53, a price so laughable it makes a beggar blush. And yet, here we are: trading 4× higher at $2.15, but still drowning in losses. Late buyers, you fools, thought you were dining at the last supper. 🤡
Macro swing-trader “The Great Mattsby” (@matthughes13), a man who sees patterns where others see chaos, insists that Bitcoin is merely retracing its steps, like a drunkard on a familiar path. “Back in 2024,” he reminds us, “BTC consolidated for 7 months in the $70k-$50k zone before breaking out.” Ah, the sweet nostalgia of past glories! 🥂
Rekt Capital, the guy who probably owns a calculator and a frown, shared a chart that’s basically a warning sign with a puppy on it. “Dogecoin needs to protect its multi-year technical uptrend,” he says, as if that’s something that actually happens. 🚨
XRP has been in the headlines with an 89 percent return last year, while big crypto such as Bitcoin (BTC), Ethereum (ETH), and the CoinDesk 20 Index (CD20) have little or negative returns. 🤯 Who knew the real MVP of 2025 was a cryptocurrency named after a tropical fruit?
Apparently, a fair chunk-roughly 30-35%-of XRP supply is now in the red, according to the brainy folks at Glassnode. This marks a significant turnaround from October, when most were basking in the glow of profits. Poor dears, they were almost smug back then.
But hold onto your Bowser hats – just yesterday, a shocking twist: nearly 60 billion coins made a sneaky return to the exchanges. Evidently, some holders couldn’t resist the siren call of quick profits or perhaps are just elbowing their way back into the market chaos. Now the question remains: are they coming in for a quick splash or pulling back to rethink their strategy? It’s the crypto equivalent of a soap opera, darling, and we’re all watching with bated breath. 📉📈
In a move that nobody saw coming, Jupiter’s decentralized finance (DeFi) aggregator has announced the launch of Metis v7, now an independent project (goodbye, Jupiter!). Metis, which was once the backbone of the Solana network, is now venturing out into the wild, free from Jupiter’s shackles. 🚀
In the heart of America’s financial wilderness, LevelField Financial Inc., the promising but painfully new player, proudly announced that the powers-that-be-specifically the Illinois Department of Financial and Professional Regulation-have somewhat consented to their audacious plan to acquire Chicago’s Burling Bank. This move, if it bears fruit, shall create an FDIC-insured banking titan that whispers sweet nothings in both traditional and crypto tongues, pending the almighty nod from the Federal Reserve.
Will this be the end of the line, or a cunning trap set by the market’s sly foxes? The question hangs in the air like a storm cloud, heavy with uncertainty. 🌩️
Bitmine, that behemoth of crypto hoarding, declared its holdings now total $11.8 billion-a sum that would make even the most hardened proletariat blush. Among its spoils: 3,559,879 ETH (roughly 2.9% of the token’s circulating supply), 192 bitcoin, and a cool $607 million in unencumbered cash. As of Nov. 16, this hoard stands as a monument to the absurdity of wealth accumulation in an age of inequality. 📈🤡
