Cryptonews

During the drowsy Asian morning hours – who knew Asia had ‘morning’? – Bitcoin flirted around $114,200, flexing 2.4% over 24 hours, as strong as a martian martini!

According to the Financial Times (those fancy folks with their noses in the air), the Avalanche Foundation-the non-profit behind the AVAX token-is fixin’ to set up shop in the good ol’ U.S. of A. One company’ll be their official “digital asset treasury,” while the other’ll be a crypto-focused doppelgänger. Talk about hedgin’ your bets! 🎲

Scroll DAO 📜 governance is to be “paused”

Onchain Lens, our sole narratorial guide through the murky data sea, observed the transaction’s odyssey traversing three addresses. One was clearly a lair of BitMine, while the others were enshrouded in mystery akin to the faces of human souls that wander the city’s frigid, lonely streets. Yet, these dark corners of the transaction-network were illuminated through forensic sorcery, revealing their secretive ties to BitMine. However, BitMine, ever the reticent player in the Machiavellian theatre of finance, has yet to confirm these arcane acquisitions.

The day’s trading saw it bobbing between a giddy high of $113,138 and a rather more subdued low of $110,812 – a range so tight one could practically see the thing sweating. 🙄

Judge Jia Cobb – a *very* serious lady, I hear – she says “hold your horses, Donald!” and issued a temporary restraining order. Against Trump, the Fed Chairman, Jerome Powell (poor guy, always getting yelled at!), and even…the Fed itself! All because of this letter from August 25th, claiming mortgage fraud. A court filing, you know, very official. Fortune Magazine claims Cobb and Cook, they’re sisters in a sorority! Delta Sigma Theta! Who knew?! A secret society controlling the…interest rates?! I’m just asking questions!

A Tale of Excess

After a dramatic recovery from the $4,220 zone (cue the heroic music 🎶), ETH climbed like a mountain goat on Red Bull. It smashed through $4,320 and $4,350 like they were made of paper-mâché. And that bearish trend line? Gone. Kaput. Like a bad joke at a party. 🥳

Stablecoins are looking at 7.5% of the total crypto pie right now. 🥟 Just imagine, a slice of the pie that doesn’t make you cry when you eat it.

This surge in stablecoin demand isn’t just a passing trend. It’s a clear signal of strong buying power, poised and ready to storm exchanges. It’s like the cavalry waiting for the right moment to ride into battle. These coins, the stalwart backbones of crypto trading, provide the liquidity that makes the market flow like a well-oiled machine-moving assets faster than you can say “blockchain.” As stablecoins’ inflows rise, it’s like the calm before a storm, suggesting that investors are gearing up for something big, something that could send prices spiraling to new highs.