Cryptonews

Upon the ephemeral scrolls of X (formerly Twitter, that hive of madness), Egrag Crypto declared that if Congress, those august jesters of power, enact a decree to forbid their own kin from dabbling in the stock market, then lo! XRP holders must hasten to unload their holdings. This imagined bill-this legislative beast-promises to drive altcoins and crypto spirits alike into the abyss of despair. Why? One wonders. He offers no cryptic insight beyond the simple admonition: abandon ship, or drown with your digital gold.

On a glorious Thursday, September 11, Wall Street couldn’t resist the siren call of blockchain stocks. Figure Technologies, a blockchain-based lending platform, had a stellar start on the Nasdaq. They sold 31.5 million shares, raking in a cool $787.5 million from investors who were more excited than kids in a candy store. 🍭

As the top cryptocurrencies took their cues from the broader risk asset markets on Thursday, buoyed by the latest U.S. inflation data, Pendle made a grand entrance, surging to an intraday high of $5.10. The altcoin, ever the performer, saw its price rise by a modest 5.8% within 24 hours, making it one of the most talked-about coins in the crypto market.

BlackRock, the titan of asset management, is reportedly mulling over the idea of bringing exchange-traded funds (ETFs) onto the public blockchain, a move that could redefine the landscape of financial investments. According to insiders who spoke to Bloomberg, the firm is considering tokenizing funds linked to real-world assets like stocks, though the final curtain will rise only with the nod from regulatory bodies.

And just when you thought the drama couldn’t get any juicier, VanEck waltzes in with plans for a HYPE ETF. It seems Hyperliquid’s momentum is as unstoppable as a runaway carriage-though whether it’s heading toward triumph or disaster remains to be seen. 😅

“Now, why in tarnation should we rush this thing through?” Kennedy mused aloud, his voice tinged with a Southern drawl that could charm the snakes out of the grass, but today, it was aimed at slowing down the wheels of progress. His words cast a shadow over the timeline promised by the ever-optimistic Committee Chair Tim Scott.

Worldcoin has been testing the waters in the $1.72 to $2.05 range, a zone where the bears have been particularly grumpy. 🐻 This region has been a thorn in the side of bulls, causing short-term traders to cash out and enjoy their profits. However, the broader picture tells a different story. The token has managed to stay afloat above crucial support levels, which is a good sign for those who believe in its upward journey. 🌟

Ah, the grand theater of economics-where inflation plays the villain, jobless claims steal the limelight, and stagflation lurks in the wings like an uninvited guest at a wedding. Investors, bless their optimistic souls, have decided to ignore August’s hotter-than-a-pepper-spray CPI report and instead focus on surging jobless claims. Because why not? After all, nothing screams “recession” like a cooling labor market. 😅

And why are they doing this? Well, because the U.S. government decided to get involved with stablecoins and passed this thing called the GENIUS Act. It’s like they finally realized, “Hey, maybe we should regulate these things before they take over the world.” 🌍🔒

This particular wallet, which received 312 BTC back in 2012 when each coin cost about as much as a fancy sandwich ($12.22), is now worth more than most small countries’ GDPs. Back then, this stash would’ve set you back just over $5,400. Today? Oh, nothing too flashy-just north of $35 million. That’s a 640,000% return on investment. You know what else gives you a 640,000% return? Winning the lottery twice while being struck by lightning. But apparently, holding onto Bitcoin works too.