Cryptonews

Indeed, my friend, this novel creation postures itself as a modern-day exchange, bridging the wide chasm between the self-reliance of DeFi and the centralized constructs we so adore, all the while featured under the beguiling appellation “next-gen DEX”. All comers are invited – from novices who rush to partake in the “Simple Mode” with but a single click, to the astute professionals who seek the sumptuous banquet of “Pro Mode”, with its stock perpetuals and hidden orders, wrapped in the grid trading that tantalizes.

With a treasure trove that would make Scrooge McDuck seethe with undignified envy, BitMine boasts holdings worth nearly $9.7 billion. But why stop there, you might ask? With an ambition that taxes one’s credulity, BitMine has rolled up its proverbial sleeves and set its sights on nothing less than 5% of Ethereum’s entire supply. 💼😊

This here XRP has been flailin’ about like a fish outta water, tryin’ to climb higher, but every attempt is met with folks sellin’ faster than a politician avoidin’ a straight answer. This repeat failure to make a new high? Well, it’s opened the door for a bit of trouble, ya see.

Our favorite national police force-because nothing screams “serious” like men on horses-decided to bust the biggest unlicensed crypto exchange ever in Canada. And by bust, I mean they confiscated $40 million in digital assets. Not Monopoly money-real digital cash.

Kraken, that colossal titan of crypto exchanges, has cozied up to Trust Wallet-the self-custody wallet with more users than a middle school TikTok dance trend. Together, they’ve devised a plot to bring the magic of tokenized equities to the masses, using the mystical powers of Backed’s xStocks. Trust Wallet, in case you’ve been living under a rock, is the largest wallet for self-custody crypto in the world, and this collaboration will lure millions of new users into the heady world of tokenized equities. Lucky them! 😎

FTX has assured its long-suffering victims-er, customers-that the funds will magically appear in their chosen accounts within 1-3 business days from September 30. 🕊️ And fear not, for FTX will be working hand-in-hand with the likes of Bitgo, Kraken, or Payoneer to ensure this financial miracle happens. Because what could possibly go wrong with a bankrupt company handling your money again? 🤡

Ladies and gentlemen, this is no ordinary upgrade-it’s a maintenance release with a side of comedy! 🎭 Optimism’s 16a is cutting the fat like a chef trimming a brisket, removing unused withdrawal-proving code that never saw the light of mainnet day. 🥩 Plus, it’s adding system-level feature toggles so OP Stack chains can experiment without a full circus act. 🎪 The motto? “Cut the dead weight, flip some switches, and keep the ship steady!” ⚓

According to a Friday announcement (because nothing says “good news” like ending the workweek), the distribution is set for September 30. Creditors, grab your calculators-you’ll have the funds in your accounts within three business days. Or, as I like to call it, “crypto time.” ⏳

Pray, what draws our gaze not only to the immense bulk of their purses but to the magnitude of their exploits! These pioneers have erected empires, gold-laden and vast, from the cryptic bazaar of digital coin and ledgered chains, reforming the very nature of prosperity as we knew it in our pedestrian days.

This accumulation, stretching longer than a philosopher’s speech-over a thousand days!-has served as the combustible fuel for our present bravado on the market stage. Yoddha, that wise oracle, doth declare that such a drawn-out consolidation is but a humble intermission, strengthening the very edifice of the market and priming one for the next act of fervent rallies.