California Just Decided to Babysit Your Forgotten Bitcoin-No, Really 🍑💸

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Oh, the drama! California’s Governor Newsom has gone full fairy godmother for your neglected crypto. 🎉✨ Over the weekend, he signed a bill to “preserve” abandoned Bitcoin-because nothing says “state priorities” like worrying about your lost crypto gains. 💸

The law? A spicy remix of unclaimed property rules. Now, if your Bitcoin’s been chilling in an exchange for three years without a text, call, or login from you, California will swoop in and hold it… in its original form. 🤯 Imagine your grandma selling your vintage vinyl for cash without asking. 🎶💔 Other states do that. California? Nah, they’re “holding” it like a squirrel with a nut stash. 🐿️🥜

California just passed a bill to seize your #Bitcoin if you forget about it like last year’s gym membership. 💪💸

After 3 years of ghosting your crypto, the state claims it under “Unclaimed Property” laws. Bill heads to Senate. 🏛️

– TFTC (@TFTC21) June 4, 2025

Abandoned Bitcoin stays Bitcoin… for a *bit*

Let’s recap: States love seizing stuff. Now crypto’s on the menu. 🍔 But California’s twist? They won’t cash it out immediately. Because, obviously, the state’s just *dying* to learn how to HODL. 🤓

Newsom signed SB 822, joining Delaware, Illinois, and others who’ve decided crypto’s “abandoned” if you haven’t logged in since 2022. 📉 Actions that prove you care? Trading, logging in, or literally blinking at your screen. 🖥️👀

Did crypto Twitter freak out? Of course. “NOT YOUR KEYS, NOT YOUR COINS!” they screamed, while forgetting the bill only applies to custodial accounts. Non-custodial wallets? The state can’t touch those. It’s like your mom taking your Xbox but leaving your secret PS5 stash untouched. 🎮😏

Here’s the kicker: California will hold your Bitcoin for 18 months before possibly selling it. Because nothing says “financial planning” like state-run crypto portfolios. 🗂️💸 Investors? Rejoice! You’ll get your coins back in crypto, not cash. Eric Peterson from the Satoshi Action Fund called it “a win.” Sure, Eric, whatever helps you sleep at night. 😴

Lawmakers Struggle to Adult Their Way Through Crypto

Crypto’s like a rebellious teen-laws keep trying to parent it, but it’s always one step ahead. 🚨 States adding crypto to unclaimed property laws? It’s causing chaos. Illinois, for example, made custodians sell crypto immediately-because turning Bitcoin into cash is the financial equivalent of microwaving a masterpiece. 🎨🔥

Owners get the cash value when sold… but miss out on gains. Imagine selling Bitcoin at $10k and missing the moonshot. 🌕🚀 Good news? Lawyers predict lawsuits when folks realize they’re out a fortune. 💼⚖️ “Owners will not stand by as docile observers,” Jones Day warned. Translation: Prepare for drama. 🎭

Arntsen, the law expert, suggests states hire crypto pros or partner with exchanges. Because nothing says “trust us” like letting the DMV hold your Bitcoin. 🚗❌

In other news: Congress is *trying* to pass crypto laws, but states are still stumbling through the dark like a hungover intern. 🍻 Let’s hope California’s new hobby of crypto babysitting works out. Or, you know, we’ll all just move to non-custodial wallets and laugh about this later. 🚀

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2025-10-16 16:44