September 23, 2023. Units of Cryptocurrency Lost to Panic: 12. Hours Spent Staring at Candlestick Charts: 9. Number of Times I’ve Whispered “What Would Warren Do?”: 24.7.
Dear Diary, today we confront the existential crisis of our generation: Should one blindly follow Warren Buffett’s portfolio like a financial lemming, or channel his wisdom while maintaining critical agency? Let’s dissect three of Berkshire’s darlings while I attempt to resist the urge to sell all my holdings and invest in a gold-backed llama farm.
1. Sirius XM Holdings: The Satellite Serenade
Sirius XM Holdings (SIRI) – ticker symbol for the audio entertainment equivalent of a mixtape from your college boyfriend. 160 million monthly listeners! Dividend yield: 4.6%, which feels suspiciously generous, like a stranger offering free wine at a gas station.
Three-Year Stock Performance: A 24% annual decline. Recent Rally: +5.7% YTD. My Internal Monologue: “Is this a value trap or a phoenix rising from the ashes of terrestrial radio?” Buffett’s 37% stake suggests he sees potential in its 7.6 forward P/E. Or perhaps he’s nostalgic for the ’90s?
Pros: Recurring revenue! Satellites in space! Cons: Streaming services eating its lunch. The existential dread of being a “legacy” tech company. Decision: Add to watchlist with asterisk: *Requires quarterly reassessment of existential threats.
2. Constellation Brands: Tipsy on Tequila
Constellation Brands (STZ) – 7.4% owned by Berkshire, maker of Corona (the beverage, not the virus variant). Dividend yield: 3%, but with buybacks factored in, it’s an 8% shareholder yield. Current Stock Trajectory: Down 45% this year. My Reaction: “Oh no, are we all sobering up?!”
Their Strategy: Focus on premium brands. My Strategy: Drink cheaper wine while contemplating this paradox. Forward P/E: 11.5 vs. 5-year avg 18.3. Translation: Market thinks millennials are killing alcohol, but maybe they’re just killing hangovers. Buy if you believe in hedonism’s comeback.
3. Vanguard S&P 500 ETF: The Index Fund Formerly Known as Boring
Vanguard S&P 500 ETF (VOO) – Buffett’s widow-approved investment. Expense ratio: 0.03%, which is basically the ETF version of finding money in your couch cushions. Holdings include 8% Nvidia (because of course), 7.38% Microsoft (hello, cloud), and 1.61% Berkshire Hathaway – a delicious ouroboros of capitalism.
Top 10 Holdings Table: Behold, the Magnificent Seven plus Broadcom. My Dilemma: Is this “dumb money” or “smart money”? Pros: Diversification. Cons: Owning 500 companies means accidentally funding at least three questionable vape startups. Fee: So low it makes me question humanity’s inherent greed.
| Stock | Percent of ETF |
|---|---|
| Nvidia | 8.07% |
| Microsoft | 7.38% |
| Apple | 5.77% |
| Amazon | 4.12% |
| Meta Platforms | 3.12% |
| Broadcom | 2.57% |
| Alphabet Class A | 2.08% |
| Alphabet Class C | 1.68% |
| Berkshire Hathaway Class B | 1.61% |
| Tesla | 1.61% |
Final Assessment: Buy Sirius for the yield and existential drama. Add Constellation if you miss liver damage. Index fund? The financial equivalent of eating your vegetables. Now, back to my llama farm research. 📈
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2025-09-22 16:37