Okay, so Buffett’s not running Berkshire Hathaway anymore. Fine. Good riddance to meetings that could’ve been emails, honestly. But everyone’s acting like the guy’s suddenly vanished. He’s still lurking, giving “advice.” Advice! Like anyone actually listens. And now we’re supposed to blindly follow whatever stocks he happened to glance at during his retirement? It’s… irritating. The whole thing. But, fine, let’s humor them. Let’s look at these two stocks everyone’s fawning over – Apple and Alphabet. Because apparently, if Buffett likes it, it must be a sure thing. It’s just… lazy thinking. But I’ve looked at the numbers, and it’s… well, it’s not the worst idea I’ve ever heard.
1. Apple
Apple. Of course. Everyone loves Apple. It’s the default. The phone your mother uses. The phone that inexplicably requires a new adapter every six months. Berkshire’s been hoarding this stock for years, and Buffett once said it was the “best business” he knew. The best! What does that even mean? It makes nice rectangles? And now the new CEO, Abel, is saying it’ll “compound over decades.” Compounding! Like it’s some sort of magical investment fairy dust. It’s a stock, Greg. A stock. It goes up, it goes down. Stop with the theatrics.
But, alright, let’s dissect this. The brand. Apparently, people are emotionally attached to a fruit. They’ll stand in line for hours to get the slightly newer version of the same device. It’s… unsettling. This creates an “ecosystem.” A walled garden where you’re forced to buy everything from the same company. It’s borderline monopolistic, but nobody seems to care. And this iPhone 17? It’s a phone! It makes calls! It sends texts! It’s not reinventing the wheel. But apparently, people are upgrading like crazy. Revenue up 16%? Fine. It’s a number. I’ve seen bigger.
And this “services” segment? They’re charging you for everything now. Subscriptions for apps you don’t use, cloud storage you don’t need… it’s nickel and diming, that’s what it is. But it’s working. They reached a new high for paid accounts. Of course they did. People are suckers for convenience. And tariffs? They’re diversifying manufacturing? Great. They should have done that years ago. It’s basic risk management, people! And the dividend? Fine, it’s up. But it’s not like they’re giving the money away. It’s still a business. A very profitable, slightly annoying business.
2. Alphabet
Alphabet. Now this is interesting. Berkshire finally jumped on the bandwagon. Took them long enough. It’s a $3.7 trillion company. Life-changing returns? Please. Every tech stock was life-changing a few years ago. But alright, let’s give them credit. They have a dominant position in search. Which is fine. I use it. We all use it. It’s a necessity. But it’s also a data collection machine. Don’t pretend it’s not. And this “network effect”? The more people use it, the better it gets? It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. It’s circular logic! But it works. It just… feels wrong.
And cloud computing? They’re growing faster than the rest of the business? Of course they are. Everyone’s moving to the cloud. It’s the trendy thing to do. But it’s also expensive. And complicated. And you’re handing all your data over to another company. But hey, who am I to judge? Revenue up 18%? Cloud revenue up 48%? A backlog of $240 billion? Okay, those are… decent numbers. I’ll admit it. They’re investing in infrastructure? Good. They should be. But the market’s not thrilled? Of course not! Nobody likes spending money on things they can’t see! It’s the same reason people don’t like paying for maintenance! They want instant gratification! It’s infuriating!
So, alright. Alphabet is positioning itself for long-term success. Fine. I’ll give them that. It’s still a gamble. All of it is. But it’s… less of a terrible idea than I initially thought. Still, don’t come crying to me when these stocks inevitably go down. I warned you. I always warn people. Nobody ever listens.
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2026-03-12 13:33