BlackRock’s Latest Bitcoin Move Leaves Even Saylor Weeping Into His Wallet

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The oracles at @lookonchain have set the Twitterati ablaze—BlackRock, that modern-day Midas with spreadsheets instead of fingers, has inhaled more Bitcoin over the past fortnight than most mortals could dream (or budget) for in a lifetime. 🍾

Yes, dear reader, through its iShares Bitcoin Trust (IBIT), BlackRock has been engaged in a veritable buffet of Satoshis, leaving all but the greediest crypto whales grasping for crumbs. The world’s largest wealth manager has not only stacked Sats, as the plebeians say, but constructed a veritable palace of digital doubloons.

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In just fourteen days, IBIT furtively acquired 41,452 BTC. That’d make even Gatsby blush. The haul? A cool $3.92 billion—enough to stage a moon landing, or at least rent a nice château in Paris. With these recent escapades, IBIT’s vault now bulges with 614,639 Bitcoins, casually valued at $58.07 billion. Imagine the interest on that piggy bank. 🐖💰

BlackRock(iShares Bitcoin Trust ETF) has bought 41,452 $BTC($3.92B) over the past 2 weeks, bringing its total holdings to 614,639 $BTC ($58.07B).

— Lookonchain (@lookonchain) May 6, 2025

Poor Strategy (the postmodern MicroStrategy; one wonders if rebranding helps with existential despair) attempts to out-muscle BlackRock with weekly BTC forays, thanks to fundraising fit for a Renaissance pope. Michael Saylor presides over these purchases, likely in a velvet robe, clutching crypto spreadsheets and a tumbler of whisky, nobly unfazed.

Last week, MSTR made a Bitcoin buy so large—over $1.2 billion—even the Federal Reserve had to glance over its spectacles. As of Monday, they’d added another 1,895 BTC, discarding a mere $180 million with the casual insouciance of a Parisian tearing up parking tickets.

Tallying the spoils: Strategy now sits atop 555,450 BTC, amounting to an almost respectable $38 billion—a small fortune, were BlackRock not looming nearby like Scrooge McDuck on a caffeine binge. 🦆💸

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2025-05-06 14:49