Bitcoin’s Wild Ride: $100k Crash or $122k Moon Shot? 🤡💸

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Ah, the capricious dance of Bitcoin, that digital chimera, has once again ensnared the minds of the so-called “analysts”! Behold, the intrepid Mark Cullen, a man whose charts are as convoluted as a Gogol novella, has unveiled his “game plan” for the fate of this cryptographic leviathan. According to his labyrinthine logic, Bitcoin stands at a precipice, teetering between a catastrophic plunge to $100,000 and a triumphant ascent to $122,000-a mere whisper away from its all-time high of $123,000. What folly! What madness! 🌪️💰

The Grand Farce of Bitcoin’s Destiny

In a missive on the platform X (formerly known as Twitter, that den of digital babble), Cullen proclaimed his “Bitcoin game plan.” He observed, with the gravity of a man deciphering the mysteries of the cosmos, that BTC is “filling out the inefficient area” between two previous weekly ranges. Ah, the inefficient area! A phrase so absurd, so Gogol-esque, it could only belong in the annals of crypto prophecy. The next move, he declares with the certainty of a soothsayer, will depend on whether Bitcoin breaks out or breaks down from this range. Break out, break down-what nonsense! It is as if the coin itself is a character in one of my tales, perpetually trapped in a bureaucratic nightmare. 🧙♂️📉

Should Bitcoin breach the $116,000 barrier and maintain its position above the previous range low, Cullen asserts, it could construct a “bullish structure” for a grand squeeze to new heights later this month. His chart, a labyrinth of lines and squiggles, suggests BTC might first rally to $122,000 before soaring to uncharted territories. But wait! There is also the specter of decline. Should Bitcoin lose its weekend low of $111,000 and fail to reclaim $112,000, it shall plummet to $100,000. Critical weeks lie ahead, Cullen intones, as Bitcoin stands at a crossroads. Crossroads, indeed! It is as if the coin is a hapless protagonist in “The Overcoat,” doomed to wander in circles. 🚀⚰️

Mark Cullen's Bitcoin Chart

And who should join this chorus of doom but Arthur Hayes, the co-founder of BitMEX, a man whose predictions are as reliable as a Gogol plot twist. Hayes, with the gravitas of a funeral orator, foretells that Bitcoin will retest $100,000 while Ethereum revisits $3,000. Tariffs, he claims, are the culprits behind this impending catastrophe, and liquidity, that elusive siren, has abandoned the crypto seas. The last time Bitcoin graced $100,000 was in June, before its July apotheosis. But fear not, for Ali Martinez, another crypto oracle, has chimed in, suggesting Bitcoin could plummet to $95,000 if history repeats itself. History, that fickle mistress! 📉🎭

The $95k Abyss: A Comedy of Errors

Martinez, in another X post (for what is life without the constant chatter of social media?), noted that the last two times the weekly RSI dipped below the 14 SMA, Bitcoin corrected by 20% to 30%. Thus, he proclaims, the flagship crypto could descend to $95,000 if the past is any guide. Meanwhile, the $112,000 level is the “line in the sand,” according to the Titan of Crypto, as Bitcoin continues to reject the bearish Fair Value Gap at $114,000. Line in the sand, indeed! It is as if Bitcoin is a character in “Dead Souls,” forever chasing an illusion. 🏜️🪦

At the time of this absurd spectacle, Bitcoin trades at $114,000, down in the last 24 hours, according to the ever-watchful eyes of CoinMarketCap. What a farce! What a comedy of errors! Will Bitcoin crash to $100,000, or will it moon to $122,000? Only the nose of Major Kovalyov knows for sure. 🌕💼

Bitcoin Price Chart

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2025-08-06 15:09