Gareth Soloway, some guy who claims to “strategize markets” for a website called VerifiedInvesting.com, is now convinced crypto’s about to moon. The charts he’s staring at? Presumably the same ones my grandma uses to track her knitting. Meanwhile, the S&P 500 is tanking like a car with a flat tire, and Bitcoin’s up. Why? Because apparently, divergence is the most important signal since sliced bread.
Bitcoin: One Level Away From $80K to $85K (If You Ignore Gravity)
Bitcoin’s “pushing higher,” according to Soloway, who’s probably high on caffeine and hubris. The magic number? $74,000. Once we break through that, he says, we’ll rocket to $80K-$85K. Classic bullish logic: break a level, then ignore all logic. Oh, and the setup? “Textbook.” Sure, Gareth. If the textbook was written by a parrot with a Bloomberg terminal.
He’s obsessed with some “green reversal candle” that hasn’t closed below its low in weeks. Congrats, you’ve invented the “stick figure with a smiley face.” And while the S&P is down 4.45% since February, Bitcoin’s up 12%. Of course it is. Gold and silver? Please. They’re just there for ambiance.
But wait-Gareth’s not a “midterm bull.” He’s a “short-term bull,” which means he’s betting on days to weeks. Beyond that? He expects Bitcoin to fall below $60K. Because nothing says “bullish” like hedging your bets like a nervous gambler.
Ethereum: Break Above $2,150 Opens Door to $2,600 (Or a Coma)
Ethereum’s been “hammering the door” at $2,150. Twice. Then it tried again. Soloway’s like, “If we close above that, look out!” Great. Let’s all hold our breath and hope the market doesn’t laugh at us. The pattern “mirrors Bitcoin’s setup,” which is either poetic or a cry for help.
XRP: Bullish Pattern With $1.80 as the Target (And a Side of Delusion)
XRP’s trading at $1.41, and Soloway’s seeing “clear short-term bullish structure.” His target? $1.80. That’s where “former support turned resistance” and “trend lines” are having a tea party. Soloway calls it a “major, major resistance.” Major? More like a middle finger from the market. If XRP breaks through, it’ll be less a breakout and more a miracle.
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2026-03-15 14:07