What to know, oh curious souls:
- Bitcoin, that fickle mistress, has crashed, foretelling an AI-induced apocalypse of credit, so says Arthur Hayes, the modern-day Cassandra of crypto.
- The Fed, ever the savior with its magical money printer, shall rise to the occasion, reigniting the crypto bull market in a blaze of fiat glory.
- Yet, beware! Political squabbles may delay the inevitable, leaving bitcoin bulls to wallow in their misery-at least for a spell.
Ah, the drama of it all! BitMEX co-founder Arthur Hayes, in his latest opus, “This Is Fine,” proclaims that bitcoin’s 52% plunge from its October zenith is not mere folly, but a harbinger of doom-an AI-driven banking crisis that shall make 2008 look like a tea party. And yet, in true Bulgakovian fashion, he assures us that from the ashes of deflation, bitcoin shall rise like a phoenix, once the Fed’s Brrrr button is pressed with abandon.
“Bitcoin, that most sensitive of creatures, reacts to the fiat credit supply like a cat to a cucumber,” Hayes writes with a wink. “Its divergence from the Nasdaq is the canary in the coal mine, squawking that a credit destruction event is nigh. But fear not, for the Fed’s money printer shall save the day-or at least, the crypto portfolios of the faithful.”
Hayes paints a picture both grim and absurd: artificial intelligence, that modern-day golem, shall displace 20% of America’s knowledge workers, triggering $557 billion in defaults. Regional banks shall crumble like stale bread, and the Fed, in a panic, shall unleash the greatest money-printing spree in history. “Deflation is bad,” Hayes quips, “but for bitcoin, it’s a spa day before the ball.”
Gold, that ancient rival, has surged against bitcoin, a red flag waving in the wind. “A deflationary risk-off credit event within Pax Americana is brewing,” Hayes declares, his tone both ominous and theatrical. “But when the Fed acts, bitcoin shall pump decisively, and the filthy fiat shall flow like vodka at a Russian wedding.”
Yet, the path to glory is paved with pain. Bitcoin, Hayes warns, may yet fall below $60,000 as political dysfunction ties the Fed’s hands. “Stay liquid, avoid leverage, and wait for the all-clear,” he advises, channeling the wisdom of a jaded magician. “Then, my friends, ape into risky assets with wanton abandon, for the Fed’s Brrrr button shall be your guiding star.”
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2026-02-18 18:42