Bitcoin to Zero? One Man’s Wildly Optimistic Dream

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In a galaxy not so far away, a hedge fund manager and economist-who once famously shorted the 2017 Bitcoin peak-has decided that the universe would be a better place if Bitcoin simply ceased to exist. Yes, you heard that right. Mark Dow, the macro trader with a penchant for dramatic pronouncements, is now rooting for the total annihilation of the cryptocurrency industry. Why? To punish the “grifters,” of course. Because nothing says “justice” like wishing for the financial equivalent of a black hole to swallow an entire market.

Dow, best known for his 2017 Bitcoin short that made him look like a genius (or at least a lucky guesser), has doubled down on his disdain. “I want Bitcoin to go to zero,” he declared, with all the gravitas of a man who’s just discovered the meaning of life (spoiler: it’s not Bitcoin). “And I want all the grifters who pumped this to rubes on the back of moronic fearmongering of monetary policy and promises of generational wealth to be fully invested as it happens.” Because, as we all know, the best way to teach someone a lesson is to hope their entire financial system collapses. Very mature.

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Dow’s journey into Bitcoin pessimism began in December 2017, when he announced he had shorted Bitcoin. He claimed its price had become “random” and disconnected from reality-which, let’s be honest, is a pretty accurate description of most things in the universe, including the plot of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. The introduction of CME Futures, he noted, was the catalyst for the bubble to pop, as institutional bears finally had a way to bet against it. Fast forward to December 2018, and Dow closed his position near the absolute bottom (around $3,200). “I’m done,” he said. “I don’t want to try to ride this thing to zero.” Because, clearly, predicting the future is exhausting work.

A broken clock? Or just a clock that’s perpetually set to doom?

Despite his prescient trades-which could have been pure luck, or perhaps the result of a highly advanced alien algorithm-Dow’s takes should be taken with a grain of salt. After all, he’s been a Bitcoin permabear for over a decade. Meanwhile, some industry proponents have unearthed an old tweet where Dow claimed Bitcoin is a “tax on paranoid stupidity.” Since then, Bitcoin has rallied by 133,000%. So, either Dow is the universe’s most dedicated contrarian, or he’s just really, really good at being wrong in the long term.

In the end, Dow’s wish for Bitcoin to go to zero is about as likely as finding a restaurant at the end of the universe that doesn’t serve bland, green-colored food. But hey, it’s always entertaining to watch someone root for the financial apocalypse. After all, as Douglas Adams once said, “The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don’t.” And Bitcoin, it seems, hangs in the market in much the same way that Mark Dow’s predictions don’t.

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2026-02-05 09:13