Look, I wasn’t looking to buy cryptocurrency. Honestly, the whole thing just feels… unnecessary. Another thing to track, another app to download, another password I’ll inevitably forget. But people keep talking about it, and frankly, it’s exhausting. So, fine, $500 worth of Bitcoin. But don’t expect me to be happy about it.
The pitch is, hold it for decades. Decades! Like I have time to think about things in decades. I’m barely planning dinner for tomorrow. But apparently, the idea is to find something that won’t just… vanish. Which, honestly, is a low bar these days. Everything feels temporary. My socks, my cable bill, the concept of politeness… all fleeting.
Bitcoin (BTC 2.89%)… it’s just… there. It exists. And apparently, there’s a limited supply. 21 million. That’s it. Which, okay, scarcity. Makes sense. But why 21 million? Why not 20? 22? It feels… arbitrary. Like someone just picked a number out of a hat. And now we’re all supposed to treat it like some kind of sacred decree? It’s infuriating!
The Immutable Thing
They say it’s a “store of value.” A store of value! What does that even mean? It’s not like you can put it under your mattress. It’s all… digital. Floating around in the ether. And you’re supposed to trust that it will stay valuable? Based on what? Faith? Hope? The collective delusion of internet strangers? It’s madness, pure madness!
And the mining process! Apparently, it gets harder over time. Which is… clever, I guess. But also… needlessly complicated. Why can’t things just be simple? It’s like they deliberately designed it to be opaque. Just to make people feel inadequate. It’s a power play, I’m telling you.
You don’t need to buy a whole Bitcoin, they say. Just a fraction. Which is… condescending. Like they’re acknowledging that I can’t afford the real thing. It’s like offering me a crumb of a cookie and expecting me to be grateful. I’m perfectly capable of buying a whole Bitcoin if I wanted to! I just choose not to, because it’s a ridiculous concept!
Accessibility: A Minor Inconvenience Averted
Now they have these ETFs. Exchange-Traded Funds. Which, fine, makes it slightly less of a hassle. You don’t need some special “wallet” or whatever. You can just buy it through your regular brokerage account. Which is…progress, I suppose. But it still feels… unnecessary. Another account to log in to, another password to remember… It’s a never-ending cycle of digital bureaucracy.
They claim this accessibility will increase the value. Because more people can buy it. It’s like they’re trying to create artificial demand. It’s manipulative, I tell you! And frankly, it’s insulting to suggest that I need to be encouraged to invest in something. I make my own decisions, thank you very much.
Of course, it’s still volatile. It goes up, it goes down. And sometimes it goes down a lot. Which is… inconvenient. Especially if you happen to need the money at the wrong time. But they tell you to think long-term. Which is easy for them to say. They’re not the ones who might need to replace the refrigerator next month.
So, yeah, long-term. That’s the key. Hold it for decades. Just sit there and watch it fluctuate. And hope that it doesn’t all go to zero. It’s a perfectly reasonable plan. Absolutely nothing could possibly go wrong. And if it does, I’ll be sure to complain about it. Loudly.
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2026-03-06 13:02