Bitcoin ETPs Steal 7% of All Bitcoin-And Nobody Seems to Notice 😂

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Ah, the grand spectacle of our age-Bitcoin, that digital gold, slipping into the pockets of the modern bourgeoisie. Now, these exchange-traded products (ETPs), like greedy little weasels, have grabbed over 1.47 million Bitcoins-yes, millions!-which is roughly 7% of the entire supply designed by some ghost in the machine to keep fools chasing shadows. 🤡

Chief among them are the mighty U.S.-based ETPs, devouring the lion’s share with their claws sunk deep-over 1.29 million BTC spread across 11 funds that seem to have more money than sense. According to some obscure Twitter account, HODL15Capital (no idea if it’s a conspiracy or a joke), BlackRock’s iShares Bitcoin Trust plowed through the chaos with nearly three-quarters of a million BTC, while Fidelity’s Fund, the “Wise Origin,” licked up just under 200,000 BTC-like scavengers fighting over the crumbs on the ground. 🥪

Meanwhile, the global ETPs added over 170,000 BTC-worth about $18.7 billion for the folks who still believe in this casino game-between late December 2024 and August 2025. A hot streak, eh? But hold your horses, because the winds are changing. August saw a net outflow of $301 million from Bitcoin ETPs, while Ethereum funds charmed everyone with a hefty $3.95 billion inflow. Looks like Uncle Sam’s crypto kids are shifting their stablecoins and tossing Bitcoin to the curb. 🤔

Bitcoin Demand Slipping Away, But Hey, Ether’s Having a Party 🎉

The once fierce demand for Bitcoin is cooling faster than a Siberian winter, as crypto whales-those cult-like giants-are shifting billions toward Ether. One big whale? Sold 4,000 BTC for almost 97,000 Ether in just 12 hours. Now, they’re sitting on a shiny $3.8 billion worth of ethereal riches. The smart money, apparently, has gone to the greener pastures-or at least the more volatile ones. 🐋

And nine whales-because who doesn’t want to be part of an exclusive club-have collectively booked profits from Bitcoin and moved into ETH, with their profits totaling around $456 million. Meanwhile, September, the historically weakest month for Bitcoin, watches from a distance as gold quietly nods in approval, climbing higher without a fuss. 📈💰

Adding to the scam or the spectacle, nearly 92 crypto ETFs are lying in wait with the US SEC, like impatient children waiting for Santa. Some of those are tracking Solana and Ripple, whose final verdict is due in October. Exciting, isn’t it? Or just another circus act?

And then, the ever-hopeful PlanC, the pseudonymous prophet, mumbles that Bitcoin’s journey to a cool $1 million might be more of a sluggish crawl than a rocket ride. “Just grinding up to a million over seven years-boring, slow, underwhelming. Who needs fireworks?” he says, dreaming of the dull march upward. 💤

Meanwhile, Delphi Digital, that clever bunch, suggests Bitcoin might surge, then pancake when the Fed finally cuts interest rates-if it gets moving soon-otherwise it might just float around like a dead fish. Typical, right? Welcome to the circus, friends.

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2025-09-02 09:56