Bitcoin Bonanza: Strategy Snaps Up 1,045 Coins for $110M! 🚀💰

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In what can only be described as a feat of financial gymnastics, Strategy has managed to scoop up $110.2 million worth of Bitcoin while everyone else is busy staring at the price chart and muttering “We’re all going to the moon.” 🚀

According to a secret communiqué (also known as a June 9 US Securities and Exchange filing, but who’s really reading those in bed?), Strategy acquired a mere 1,045 Bitcoin (BTC) at an average price of $105,426 per coin. Slightly cheaper than an exotic yacht, but considerably more volatile. Now, the company boasts a treasure chest of 582,000 BTC, bought for roughly $40.79 billion—because when you have that kind of money, a few billion here or there is just pocket change. All bought at an average price of about $70,086—less painful than the latest therapy session.

And the saga continues! Strategy’s co-founder and executive chairman Michael Saylor—the man with a beard and a vision—hinted at this purchase on June 8, fueling rumors that perhaps he sleeps under a mountain of Bitcoin. This marks the ninth week in a row that Strategy has decided that buying Bitcoin was a much better idea than, say, investing in a time machine or researching the meaning of life.

Meanwhile, Bitcoin, the rebellious roller coaster of digital gold, is tiptoeing near its all-time high again. Currently trading at $107,640 (just a smidge below May’s $112,000 peak), it’s proving that “almost there” is the new “hysterically overpriced.” Because nothing says financial stability like climbing a mountain that might collapse at any moment. 🎢

Strategy’s Latest Stock Marvel

Just when you thought it couldn’t get more exciting, Strategy announced a gargantuan $1 billion stock offering—quadrupling its previous fundraising of a measly $250 million. Rumor has it the company plans to throw the money into Bitcoin (surprise) and corporate expenses (boring but necessary). This latest coup involves issuing 11.76 million shares of their prestigious 10% Series A Perpetual Stride Preferred Stock at a bargain price of $85 per share—because nothing says “smart investment” like throwing money at a stock that promises income forever.

Post expenses and whatnot, the firm expects to net approximately $979 million—enough to buy a few more Bitcoins or maybe a small country. Unlike its earlier fundraising antics, this offering comes with a tempting 10% non-cumulative dividend—perfect for institutional investors seeking an easy yield while pondering if this is all just a very elaborate game of Monopoly.

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2025-06-09 16:15