Bitcoin Bonanza: How Strategy’s $180M Swoop Turned the Corporate West Wild

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There was a peculiar rhythm to the greed of men, and none beat the drum with more tenacity than Michael Saylor, the king of convertible spreadsheets. Once he was just MicroStrategy, but now they simply call themselves “Strategy,” as if brevity itself could fatten the treasury.🦃 Rumor was – and the SEC filings confirmed it – Saylor had gone and bought another 1,895 Bitcoin, laying down $180.3 million as if he were spending for spring peas at the market.

Strategy Buys More Bitcoin: The Dance Continues

The money, as usual, didn’t fall from trees. No, Strategy shook the great stock tree hard – $128 million rattled down from common shares, another $51 million from those fancy STRK shares, which sound like either a missile or an energy drink. 🚀 This was all part of a grand plan, apparently hatched over strong coffee and wild hopes, and with that all spent, they’ve moved on to plotting a new campaign for the rest of the year. Alas, the machine never sleeps.

With this latest buy, Saylor and his merry band now hoard 555,450 Bitcoin. That’s more digital coin than most people have patience for. The bill for their past purchases stands at a sobering $38.08 billion, averaging $68,550 a piece – a price anyone else would need therapy after. But at the current rate of $96,000 per Bitcoin, their horde is swelling to over $52 billion. Not too shabby for some numbers spinning in the virtual ether.

Only the week before, this prosperity gospel was sung to the tune of 15,355 more coins for $1.42 billion (pocket change if you’re from Mars). Since January, they’ve been stacking Bitcoin compulsively – perhaps out of FOMO, perhaps out of habit. Their haul’s up 14% for 2025, but Saylor, who seems allergic to small dreams, is gunning for a 25% return and $15 billion in profit. Just a quiet year.

Strategy says they’re raising up to $84 billion more by 2027 – stocks, bonds, the kitchen sink, you name it. If there’s a way to buy more Bitcoin, they’ll find it. And if you want to marvel at their loot, they put up a live dashboard on their website, like a zoo exhibit for digital whales. 🐋

Saylor, executive chairman and Bitcoin bard, is now treating the coin less like an investment and more like some golden calf to be worshipped daily. As a result, Strategy’s stock is robust, though it closed at $377.06 – down five percent today, but in a bull market, every dip is just a buying opportunity for the brave or the bored.

Semler Scientific Joins the Bitcoin Gold Rush

Over on the other side, Semler Scientific – a medical firm when they’re not moonlighting as swashbucklers – bought themselves 167 BTC for a cool $16 million. Counting coins at nearly $97,000 apiece, they’re trotting closely in Saylor’s footsteps or possibly just collecting their own Bitcoin merit badge. 🏅

They claimed it was for “inflation protection” and “strong assets,” which, while probably true, sounds more like something you say to your board when you’ve just traded company reserves for magic internet money. Nevertheless, they now sit on it like a dragon on a modest mound.

Meanwhile, the so-called experts – Bernstein among them – claim a great Bitcoin stampede is coming. They say that more companies weighed down by surplus cash and slow growth will soon fall under the spell of that digital gold. Wall Street’s new flavor: a dash of crypto with a side of existential risk.

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2025-05-05 18:31