Finance
What to know:
- Twenty One Capital, that paragon of fiscal ingenuity, shall debut on the NYSE (ticker: XXI) on Dec. 9, posthaste after merging with Cantor Equity Partners. One might suppose this is finance.
- The firm peddles “capital-efficient bitcoin accumulation,” which is a euphemism for hoping the price goes up. Also: Bitcoin ecosystem services, because why not?
- With 43,514 BTC ($4 billion) in its vaults, it plans to unveil a “Bitcoin Per Share” metric. Tether and Bitfinex, those paragons of transparency, own the majority. Cheering!
The Bitcoin-centric phantasmagoria known as Twenty One Capital marches toward its NYSE listing like a drunken sailor toward a bar, ticker “XXI” affixed to its forehead. The merger with Cantor Equity Partners (CEP), a SPAC of dubious repute, shall conclude Dec. 8, pending the usual bureaucratic incantations.
CEP shareholders, in a fit of collective delirium, approved the union Dec. 4. The deal requires “certain closing conditions”-a phrase that sounds ominously like a horoscope.
The newly conjoined entity shall retain the name Twenty One Capital, lest anyone confuse it with a real company. Jack Mallers, CEO of Strike, will captain this vessel. One wonders if he’s brought a life raft.
Branding itself the “first Bitcoin-native publicly listed company,” Twenty One Capital promises investors equity exposure to the cryptocurrency circus. Its business model? Accumulating BTC with “capital efficiency,” which here means praying to the volatile crypto gods.
Currently hoarding 43,514 BTC ($4 billion), it ranks third among publicly traded BTC barons. The leader, Strategy (MSTR), clutches 650,000 BTC-proof that greed is, indeed, eternal.
The “bitcoin-per-share” metric, auditable via blockchain (because trust is passé), shall let investors track holdings like children chasing fireflies. Tether and Bitfinex, ever the altruists, hold majority stakes. Reassuring!
Cantor Equity Partners, funded by Cantor Fitzgerald-a firm steeped in investment banking tradition-now dabbles in crypto whimsy. One suspects the ghost of Wall Street past is weeping into its martini. 🍷📉
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2025-12-04 15:22