Billionaires Bet on Bitcoin ETF, Wall Street Sees 9,400% Surge

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In the grand theater of finance, where the curtain rises on yet another act of speculative folly, the iShares Bitcoin Trust (IBIT) has become the latest obsession of our era’s most celebrated financial acrobats. These modern-day Alceste and Célimène, adorned in pinstripes and wielding billions, have taken to the stage with fervor, their portfolios now heavy with the digital gold of this BlackRock-penned libretto.

  • Israel Englander, maestro of Millennium Management, has added 3.8 million shares to his ledger, elevating the fund to the 15th position in his portfolio-a curious choice for a man who once outmaneuvered the S&P 500 with the precision of a court jester.
  • Philippe Laffont, of Coatue Management, stakes a modest 56,500 shares in this new venture, a mere trifle compared to his usual gambles, yet one that hints at a dalliance with the avant-garde.
  • Steven Schonfeld, of Schonfeld Strategic Advisors, wields 247,500 shares with the enthusiasm of a man who has forgotten the meaning of moderation, now ranking the fund as his third-largest holding.
  • Tom Steyer, of Farallon Capital, adds 1.2 million shares, ensuring the iShares Bitcoin Trust a place among his top 20 holdings-a decision that may yet haunt him when the curtain falls.

These investors, though lauded for their past triumphs, now find themselves in a masquerade where the stakes are as volatile as the currency they chase. Englander and Steyer, once kings of the hedge fund realm, now juggle Bitcoin’s whims alongside their more seasoned allies, Laffont and Schonfeld, who have each outpaced the S&P 500 by a margin that suggests either genius or a reckless disregard for gravity.

Yet the true spectacle lies not in their choices, but in the chorus of Wall Street’s prophets, who, with the solemnity of a preacher, predict a future where Bitcoin’s price ascends to celestial heights. Their forecasts, however, are less financial analysis and more a pantomime of hubris.

The Oracles of Wall Street and Their Golden Promises

Bitcoin, though it stumbled in October, has still advanced 59% over the past year-a performance that outpaces gold and the S&P 500 by a margin that would make even Molière raise an eyebrow. At $107,000 per coin, the stage is set for the following proclamations:

  • David Puell of Ark Invest declares Bitcoin shall reach $710,000 by 2030-a 560% ascent that would make a phoenix blush.
  • Gautam Chhugani of AllianceBernstein envisions a $1 million price tag by 2033, a figure so audacious it might require a new decimal system.
  • Tom Lee of Fundstrat Global Advisors dares to suggest $3 million in the long run, a target so lofty it could only be reached by those who have abandoned reason.
  • Michael Saylor of Strategy, in a crescendo of delusion, prophesies a $200 trillion market cap by 2045-a 9,400% gain that would render all previous financial history a footnote in a child’s arithmetic primer.

To fixate on such targets is to mistake the script for the play itself. The true investment thesis lies not in the numbers, but in the forces that drive them-a narrative best told in four acts.

The Investment Thesis: A Four-Act Comedy of Errors

Bitcoin’s price, like the plot of a farce, is a function of supply and demand. Yet unlike the predictable rhythms of a well-worn comedy, Bitcoin’s supply is fixed at 21 million coins, leaving demand to dictate the action. The following reasons, however, suggest that the audience for this performance may yet grow:

  • Bitcoin as Inflation Hedge: With President Trump’s tariffs threatening to ignite a new era of inflation, Bitcoin-this “digital gold”-is hailed as a bulwark against fiat currency’s decay. Yet in 2022, as inflation soared, Bitcoin doubled in price-a feat that may yet be repeated, or perhaps not.
  • Regulatory Reprieve: The Trump administration, in its bid to make America the “crypto capital of the world,” has lifted barriers for financial institutions. The SEC’s rescission of Staff Accounting Bulletin 121 is but one act in this regulatory ballet, allowing banks to dance with digital assets once more.
  • Spot ETFs and the Art of Convenience: Spot Bitcoin ETFs, much like a well-timed punchline, have eliminated the friction of managing digital assets. The iShares Bitcoin Trust, in its first year, became the most successful ETF launch in history-a feat that may yet be eclipsed by the next investor’s folly.
  • Institutional Adoption: Institutions, with their $130 trillion under management, have embraced Bitcoin ETFs with a speed that suggests either a collective epiphany or a shared delusion. Forms 13F reveal a doubling of large asset managers in the second quarter, their investments increasing fivefold-a trend that may yet collapse under its own weight.

The broader picture, as painted by this motley cast, is one of regulatory leniency and institutional curiosity. Yet the true tragedy lies in the hubris of those who believe Bitcoin will not, at some point, return to its roots as a volatile asset.

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Caveat Emptor: The Volatile Lover

Though Bitcoin may hedge against inflation, it has never been a safe haven. Gold, the steadfast companion in times of turmoil, rises steadily; Bitcoin, the fickle suitor, plummets with the slightest provocation. Recent tensions between the U.S. and China have sent Bitcoin tumbling 15% from its October peak, while gold ascends to new heights-a contrast that speaks volumes about the nature of trust.

In the past three years alone, Bitcoin has fallen 20% from its highs thrice. A fourth such descent may be imminent, and the fifth, inevitable. Those who cannot stomach such volatility should seek refuge elsewhere, for this is no gentle comedy-it is a farce where the punchline is always at risk of becoming a tragedy. 💸

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2025-10-19 11:10