Alright, so here we have Bill Ackman-big deal on Wall Street, and let’s be honest, if he were a sandwich, he’d definitely be a hefty pastrami on rye. This guy puts his money where his mouth is, and he’s not shy about it. His Pershing Square Capital Management fund is like that guy at the party who insists on bringing just a few, really solid friends, and it feels like if you squint hard enough, you can see that 58% of his entire $13.8 billion portfolio is crammed into a bag with just three companies. Three! Are we playing musical chairs or what?
Now, this Ackman fellow usually gives us the scoop via social media or his charmingly dry monthly updates. But you want the lowdown? Check out his quarterly 13F filings with the SEC. It’s like the financial equivalent of those reality shows-only with fewer catfights and all the drama in numbers.
Let’s dive into these three big bets like a dog going after a dropped piece of chicken.
1. Uber (20.6%)
First up, we have Uber Technologies (UBER)-the ride-hailing hero of the average commuter and, apparently, Ackman’s biggest crush since the start of 2025. He scooped up 30.3 million shares. Immediate relationship status: “It’s complicated”. Uber shares? Up 57% this year! But hold the phone-are we really all that excited about a ride-sharing app?
The numbers tell a good story; users soared to 180 million last quarter, all thanks to that magical thing called convenience. But hey, who doesn’t love a good delivery? They claim robust 35% growth in adjusted EBITDA. But here’s the kicker: self-driving cars. Ackman thinks it’s all rainbows and cupcakes for Uber because, you know, they have the infrastructure. I mean, who can resist a self-driving car dropping you off at your ex’s door? Sweet.
But here’s the thing: the stock trades at about 1.2 times its gross bookings. What does that even mean? It sounds impressive, but is it? We don’t want to be on the hook for overpriced rides to nowhere.
2. Brookfield Corp (19.7%)
Next, we tip our hats to Brookfield Corporation (BN). Ackman’s been methodically drumming his fingers on this stock. It’s like putting all your chips on red and praying the roulette wheel behaves itself. He’s enjoyed a per-share earnings growth of 13%. That’s cute, but does it come with free champagne or just some tired applause?
In the last two years, this company’s total insurance assets jumped to $135 billion. They claim assets will hit $300 billion by 2029, and now we’re talking about some serious cupcake icing. But of course, they’re buying back shares and investing in new assets-very noble of them. Is it good for us dividend hunters? It sure dresses up nicely, but we want to know if this is a feast or just finger foods.
3. Alphabet (17.9%)
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All said and done, Alphabet shares are going for less than 21 times forward earnings. This might just be the one cheeky, good buy of the lot. It’s like finding out at the last minute there’s an open bar. What a surprise!
So, as you can see, Ackman’s three-horse race might just be the investor version of a social faux pas. Invest carefully; don’t let the numerical hysteria drag you in like a bad sitcom you just can’t stop watching. This is about securing tangible returns, not just watching the stock go up in smoke. 🤑
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2025-08-31 15:43