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Now, financing such a colossal sum is no trifling matter. AT&T intends to dip into its coffers-a bit of cash on hand here, a smidge of additional borrowing there-and while this will temporarily inflate its net-debt-to-adjusted EBITDA ratio (a phrase which always sounds like something Jeeves would mutter under his breath after too much sherry), the company assures us it will return to its target level within three years. And fret not, dear reader, for AT&T’s capital return plans remain intact, including a dashing $20 billion earmarked for share repurchases through 2027. One imagines the boardroom clinking glasses over that particular decision, perhaps raising a toast to fiscal responsibility-or at least, to whatever passes for it these days.

Now, before you ask, “Why chips?” let me remind you: every AI revolution needs a revolution in microchips. TSMC isn’t just making wafers-it’s crafting the Rosetta Stone of the digital age. And unlike your cousin’s crypto “investment,” this one actually involves real things you can’t mine with a graphics card.

But let’s not forget the Nvidia subplot. The administration’s revenue-sharing deal with the graphics giant has already raised eyebrows. Now, with Intel in the mix, we’re witnessing a political Ponzi scheme where the government’s role blurs like a half-baked chip fabrication process. Investors, prepare your smelling salts.