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But, as anyone who’s ever tried to assemble IKEA furniture without crying can attest, one impressive number rarely tells the whole story. Enter General Motors (GM), whose dividend yield barely scrapes 1%-which on paper makes it seem like the sad kid at the financial buffet. Except that GM has been quietly buying back its shares like a teenager hoarding candy in the closet, which, when tallied together with its modest dividend, suddenly makes it the overachiever at the table.

Now, I’m not saying Nvidia (NVDA) and Taiwan Semiconductor (TSM) are the Second Coming of the Second Act. But if you handed me $1,000 today and said, “Make me feel less like a chump in this chaotic market,” I’d channel Mel Brooks’ History of the World, Part I and yell: “Let’s get investing, baby!” Here’s why.

The phase 2 study, a document as opaque as the regulations that govern it, revealed a 12.2% mean weight loss over 13 weeks at the highest dose. A figure, one might argue, that lingers in the shadow of Novo Nordisk’s semaglutide and Eli Lilly’s orforglipron, yet persists with a stubbornness that defies the logic of dropout rates. For every participant who abandoned the trial to the gastrointestinal abyss, another remained, their bodies a testament to the absurdity of human resilience in the face of bureaucratic indifference. The market, however, has interpreted this as a verdict, sentencing VKTX to a 38% decline with the finality of a judge who has never read the file.

Shares in the athleisure pioneer have plummeted like my motivation to work from home (-54% YTD). The market’s reaction feels personal, like when my yoga instructor side-eyes my “athleisure” sweatpants that haven’t seen a studio since 2019.