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The most recent disclosures from the realm of 13F filings reveal a veritable assembly of distinguished gentlemen partaking in this speculative dance. Among them, Alan Howard of Brevan Howard has secured a position so substantial it might rival a prime London townhouse, while Israel Englander’s consortiums have acquired shares with the enthusiasm of country dancers at a ball. Even the venerable Harvard Management Company, guardian of the Western world’s most storied endowment, has cast aside its academic reserve to claim 1.9 million shares – a courtship of digital fortunes most unbecoming of its scholarly reputation.

The Bitcoin treasury trend-where companies raise money just to buy Bitcoin-was the equivalent of everyone at a party clinking their glasses with the same person. Now, it’s Ethereum’s turn, and Kendrick claims it’s happening twice as fast. If that’s true, I’d like to know where the “slow” version of buying cryptocurrency is held. Is it a museum? A monastery? A Zoom call?

In a rather scholarly little treatise titled The Power of Dividends: Past, Present, and Future, the gentlemen of Hartford Funds and Ned Davis Research-two institutions as reputable as the Bank of England-conducted a most meticulous study of dividend-paying stocks versus their non-paying counterparts over a period of fifty-one years. Their conclusion? That dividend stocks, like a well-brewed pot of Earl Grey, outperformed their rivals by a margin of 9.2% annually to 4.31%, while also exhibiting less volatility than the S&P 500. A most impressive feat, though one might wonder if the researchers had perhaps been indulging in a spot of brandy when they penned their findings.

In a desperate (yet entirely predictable) attempt to keep afloat, Nebius-formerly riding high on its Yandex search engine-decided to pivot, shedding its Russian assets like a bad breakup. It rebranded itself as a cloud-based AI infrastructure provider, and voila! The once-sequestered company returned to the Nasdaq in October 2024, like an ex trying to sneak back into a high school reunion. Its stock reopened at $14.29 and shot up to about $110, dazzling investors with promises of AI growth and a shiny new deal with Microsoft. But now, in a market as fickle as my own attempts at making sourdough bread, the question looms: is this stock still worth buying today, or is it yet another mirage in the desert of tech speculation?

Let us not mistake the siren song of “multi-million-dollar potential” for wisdom. For even the most vaunted titans-Nvidia, Meta, Amazon-have stumbled, their stock prices once plunging over 40% from lofty peaks. Yet, like Ibsen’s Peer Gynt, investors chase phantoms, believing the next act will crown them kings of innovation. Alas, since 2023, the very same stocks now gleam with returns of 500%, 1,100%, and more, while the S&P 500 sighs in their shadow.