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Alphabet’s labyrinth of ventures, from Google to YouTube, is framed as a “matrix of growth.” Yet this metaphor, borrowed from late-night infomercials, obscures a simpler truth: the company’s data hoard is less a treasure map than a cage. Its AI “advantage” rests on the quiet exploitation of billions of users, their searches, their videos, their lives—curated not for enlightenment, but to refine algorithms that sell attention. The notion that AI will “take Google Search to the next level” is less a revolution than a repackaging. AI overviews, a sprout in Google’s garden of half-baked innovations, promise convenience but deliver compliance. The user does not triumph; the interface does.

Consider, if you will, that most revered of benchmarks – the S&P 500 (^GSPC). In early April, it suffered a decline so precipitous that one might think all America’s businesses had simultaneously forgotten how to turn a profit. A 10.5% drop in two days! Numbers like these make even the stoutest broker reach for his flask and smelling salts.