Man Who Once Tamed Bitcoin Futures Returns to Save Us All (Again) 🚀🐮

Yes, the CFTC-yes, that alphabet soup agency that somehow regulates everything from pork belly futures to the very fabric of digital reality-has once again summoned Amir Zaidi from the corporate wilderness. This time, as Chief of Staff. Presumably, a chair with more responsibilities than the last one. Or possibly just better coffee.

Cuban’s Crypto Lawsuit: A Shocking Twist! 🤯

A U.S. federal judge, with the wisdom of a thousand grumpy old men, dismissed a crypto investor lawsuit against Mark Cuban and the Mavericks. Why? Because the defendants weren’t “found” in Florida. It’s like trying to sue a ghost for stealing your candy. 🧛‍♂️

Timothée Chalamet Went Through 40 Takes of Spanking Without a Double for ‘Marty Supreme’

The film features Tim O’Leary as Milton Rockwell, a rich businessman who is married to Kay Stone, a former actress played by Gwyneth Paltrow. Timothée Chalamet plays Marty Mauser, a hopeful ping-pong player who gets caught up with Kay. Marty believes Milton can help him reach the world championships in Tokyo, but there’s a catch – he has to endure something embarrassing to get the opportunity.

Mark Wahlberg Wears Ultra-Rare Watch You Can Only Buy When It’s Snowing in Switzerland

Okay, so this actor – you probably recognize him as the guy with the incredible watch collection, seriously, he rocks some seriously rare Patek Philippes and Rolexes – just posted a video of himself getting his hands on the new Omega x Swatch ‘Cold Moon’ MoonSwatch. It’s one of the limited editions from their ‘Mission to Earthphase’ line, and yeah, I’m a little jealous!