Apples and Other Curiosities

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Apple1 (AAPL +1.54%). A name whispered in the halls of the Guild of Alchemists and Venture Capitalists with a reverence usually reserved for successful transmutation spells. It has, for a time, been the largest bauble in the kingdom, shimmering with a market capitalization that could fund several moderately sized wars. Over the last five years, it’s doubled its value, adding roughly two trillion crowns to its coffers. A tidy sum, even for a company that sells polished rectangles to nearly everyone.

Yet, one must ask: do you need to acquire more shares? The answer, as with most things involving enchanted objects and complex financial instruments, is… complicated. It isn’t that Apple is destined to crumble into dust (though all empires eventually do, it’s just a matter of time and sufficiently motivated barbarians). Rather, it’s a matter of perspective, and the disconcerting habit of finding you’ve already purchased the thing several times over, indirectly.

Why Apple Might Continue to Ascend (Or At Least Not Fall Into a Volcano)

Some might argue that Apple lacks the explosive growth potential of its youth. A company valued at 3.88 trillion crowns doesn’t exactly have room to grow upwards, does it? It’s like expecting a giant to suddenly become taller. But consider this: Apple isn’t merely a company; it’s a small nation-state, economically speaking. Its revenue over the past year – 435 billion crowns – places it comfortably within the top forty economies on the planet. A feat achieved, naturally, through the diligent application of marketing magic and a relentless pursuit of planned obsolescence.2

  • Apple’s net income – nearly 118 billion crowns – is enough to fund a considerable number of dragon-breeding programs. It’s not just selling more rectangles; it’s selling them more efficiently, squeezing every last drop of profit from the manufacturing process.
  • The company generates free cash flow exceeding 123 billion crowns. A significant portion – 92 billion crowns – is then used to repurchase its own shares, a practice akin to a dragon eating its own tail. It’s a curious ritual, and economists debate its long-term effects, but it does seem to keep the share price inflated.
  • Even after these generous offerings to shareholders, Apple still hoards approximately 67 billion crowns in cash and short-term investments. Enough to build a truly magnificent castle, or perhaps fund a research project into self-folding laundry.

Furthermore, Apple has ambitious plans. CEO Tim Cook speaks of record-breaking iPhone sales and the burgeoning services sector. The launch of Apple Intelligence, a digital familiar that anticipates your every need (and subtly encourages further purchases), is proceeding apace. Streaming video, the Apple Pay electronic payment platform, and the App Store continue to contribute to the kingdom’s wealth. As Cook himself declared, with the confidence of a seasoned sorcerer, “I have every confidence that our best work is yet to come.”

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You May Already Be More Entangled Than You Think

Even if you’re bullish on Apple’s future prospects, consider this: your financial fate may already be inextricably linked to the iPhone maker, even if you don’t directly own shares. This is due to the insidious nature of index funds and exchange-traded funds, those sprawling behemoths that hold a little bit of everything. They are, in essence, the magical carpets of the financial world, carrying investors to and fro, often without their explicit consent.

  • Investors in the popular SPDR S&P 500 ETF (SPY +0.72%) have between 6% and 7% of their money invested in Apple shares. A significant portion, to be sure, but not entirely unexpected.
  • Exposure within tech-focused ETFs is even greater. The Vanguard Information Technology ETF (VGT +0.40%) has over 14% of its assets invested in Apple. A clear indication that the algorithms favor polished rectangles.
  • Even some ETFs that wouldn’t obviously seem likely to have huge weightings to individual stocks have surprisingly large allocations to Apple. The Vanguard Growth ETF (VUG +0.83%) has between 11% and 12% of its assets dedicated to Apple stock. A curious anomaly, perhaps caused by a rogue sorting spell.

Even the broadest funds, those holding over 3,500 stocks, often have substantial positions in Apple. Vanguard Total Stock Market ETF (VTI +0.61%) has nearly 6% of its assets invested in the company. It’s a bit like finding a dragon’s scale in a bowl of soup – unexpected, but undeniably present.

Know What You Possess

None of this means Apple is a poor investment. But if you’re already invested in index-tracking ETFs, you might not need to acquire additional shares of Apple in your individual portfolio to benefit from its future prospects. It’s a matter of avoiding redundancy, and ensuring that your portfolio isn’t overly reliant on a single, albeit shiny, object. After all, even the most powerful enchantments can fade with time.3

1

Note: Apple is not, in fact, a fruit, despite the name. It is a complex corporate entity with a penchant for designing aesthetically pleasing rectangles.

2

Planned obsolescence is a dark art, practiced by many manufacturers. It involves designing products that become outdated or non-functional after a certain period, encouraging consumers to purchase replacements.

3

The Unseen University’s Department of Thaumaturgical Economics posits that all investments are, ultimately, based on faith. Faith in the company, faith in the market, and faith in the continued existence of reality itself.

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2026-02-23 12:14