If there’s one thing Andrew Cuomo knows better than how to sweat through a press conference, it’s how to stumble into a hornet’s nest with both feet—and then complain the hornets were too political, bless their little stingers. Yes, the same fellow who steered the ship of New York while the band played “COVID-19 Ragtime” now fancies himself running for mayor, perhaps hoping the folks have forgotten everything except his dazzling smile (and his lawyer’s retainer fee).
Turns out, Andy’s got himself a $3 million stake in some outfit called Nano Nuclear Energy Inc., which sounds either like a company or a really tiny explosion waiting to happen. This was unearthed by Bloomberg, whose job is to find sordid little details about the rich and famous, and occasionally tell us about the stock market—usually when it’s falling on our heads.
But wait—there’s more! As if dabbling in atomic piggy banks weren’t enough, Cuomo also lent a hand (for compensation, naturally) to OKX, a crypto exchange with more red flags than a bullfight in Pamplona and about as much legal paperwork as a pirate ship. OKX, cleverly stashed away in the Seychelles (where all things innocent enjoy sunbathing), was being poked at by the FBI and some New York prosecutors who apparently had nothing better to do. Enter Cuomo—now “advisor and confidante”—the kind of role you take up when you need to keep both hands busy and your reputation in a witness protection program.
If you missed it, Cuomo introduced something called “blockchain-based COVID passports” back in his gubernatorial days, presumably so New Yorkers could enjoy standing in line digitally as well as physically. He also dabbled in crypto and COVID apps—a fine choice, since nothing says “trust me” like a governor dabbling in both biosecurity and unregulated global finance!
Following his resignation over, shall we say, “hug-related misunderstandings,” our hero slid right into the arms of OKX, cozy as a raccoon in a trash can. He dispensed sage advice while the company tried to wiggle out of various legal bear traps. The feds, less impressed, handed out a $505 million fine so the company could “learn its lesson,” which is government-speak for “see you next scandal!”
And now, Cuomo’s off to campaign as mayor, because nothing solves a PR disaster like asking the public to trust you with even more responsibility. The man sure knows how to keep life spicy—if you like your scandals served with a twist of nuclear and a dash of crypto, anyway. 🕵️♂️💰🔥
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2025-05-03 11:05