Alright, folks, settle down! You think the stock market’s a serious business? Hah! It’s a vaudeville show with numbers! Last year, 2025, was mostly a good year. The S&P 500? Up 16%! The Nasdaq? A whopping 20%! The Dow? A respectable 13%. They were all doing the can-can, I tell ya! But then there was Amazon. Oy vey. It only went up 5%. Five percent! That’s like bringing a rubber chicken to a gunfight. A tragedy, a comedy, a tragedy-comedy! But listen up, because I, your humble, yet discerning activist investor, see a glimmer of hope in this mess.
Amazon’s E-Commerce: From Chaos to… Slightly Less Chaos
Let’s face it, Amazon became a household name by delivering everything from aardvarks to zithers right to your doorstep. Convenience! It was revolutionary! They were losing money hand over fist, but nobody cared! They were too busy ordering inflatable flamingos! Now, they’re finally figuring out that maybe, just maybe, they should try to make a profit. They’ve been throwing money at robots, automating everything. It’s a little scary, frankly. All those robots… coming for our jobs… but hey, at least the packages will arrive on time! Morgan Stanley says this robotic revolution could save them four billion dollars. Four billion! That’s enough to buy a small country! Or a really big collection of inflatable flamingos.
A New Business? You Call That a Business?!
Everybody’s obsessed with Amazon Web Services – AWS. The cloud! It’s all the rage! It’s like everyone suddenly decided they needed a digital attic. Fine, it’s important, it brings in the big bucks. But there’s another little segment, hiding in the shadows, growing like a mischievous imp: advertising. Twenty-four percent growth! That’s faster than AWS, faster than selling overpriced books! They’re selling ad space on everything! Retail pages, Prime Video… heck, I wouldn’t be surprised if they started putting ads on the inside of the delivery boxes! And now, get this, they’ve partnered with Spotify, Netflix, and SiriusXM! They’re taking over the world, one advertisement at a time! It’s diabolical! It’s… brilliant!
- Advertising service: Up 24% year over year
- AWS: Up 20%
- Third-party seller services: Up 12%
- Subscription services: Up 11%
- Online stores: Up 10%
- Other: Up 8%
- Physical stores: Up 7%
The beauty of advertising, folks, is that it’s all gravy. Low margins on those aardvarks and zithers, high costs for shipping… but selling ad space? That’s pure profit! It’s like finding money in your old pants!
Valuation? What’s a Valuation?
As of January 14th, Amazon’s stock is trading around 34.2 times its earnings. Not cheap, I’ll admit. But it’s cheaper than those other Magnificent Seven snobs – Alphabet and Microsoft. And frankly, the market is being a putz! They’re focusing on the cloud business, ignoring the e-commerce turnaround and the advertising bonanza. It’s like ignoring the orchestra while admiring the conductor’s hat! I say, wake up, people! This company is a sleeping giant!
So, here’s my prediction: Amazon is going to be one of the biggest comeback stories of the year. It’s going to be a wild ride, folks, full of twists, turns, and maybe a few exploding inflatable flamingos. But I, your humble activist investor, am betting on it. And you should too! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a meeting with a robot. I suspect it’s plotting against me.
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2026-01-17 18:33