Alphabet: Still a Stock? Oy, Ve!

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So, Alphabet, eh? (GOOG 2.29%)(GOOGL 2.39%). They say it’s the hottest AI stock. Sixty-eight percent climb in a year? For a company already worth a trillion dollars? Listen, I’ve seen better returns on a pushcart full of slightly-used herring. But… okay, okay, it is a big number. A very big number. Like, Moses-and-the-Ten-Commandments big. Still, don’t get your knickers in a twist. Predicting this thing will keep going up? It’s not exactly predicting the fall of Rome, is it?

Let’s be clear. I’m a skeptic. A professional doubter. It’s a tough job, but somebody has to do it. And frankly, all this AI hype… it reminds me of the tulip craze. Except instead of tulips, it’s algorithms. But, I digress. Let’s see if this Alphabet thing is actually worth the shekels.

Alphabet’s Domination: It’s Like They Own the Airwaves (and Your Search History)

Look, Alphabet doesn’t just have Google Search. They are Google Search. And YouTube? Forget about it. The leading streaming service. It’s like they’re holding a hostage situation, but with cat videos. Gmail, Sheets, Chrome… billions of users. It’s a monopoly, plain and simple. A benevolent monopoly, maybe. But a monopoly nonetheless. And all those billions of users? They’re handing over their data faster than a magician makes rabbits disappear. First-party data, they call it. I call it a goldmine. And Alphabet is the miner with the biggest pickaxe.

They’ve got deep pockets too. They can throw money at problems like a drunken sailor on shore leave. It’s tough to compete with that. You try building an operating system to rival Android. Go on. I’ll wait. It’s like trying to out-sing Pavarotti after a night of pickled lox.

The Latest Earnings Report: A Glimpse Into the Future… or Just Good Accounting?

They’re integrating AI into everything. Of course they are. It’s the fashionable thing to do. Like wearing spats in 1920. It’s strengthening their products, they say. And the earnings report shows it. Revenue from Google Search soared? Well, what did you expect? They practically own the internet. It’s like being the only bakery in a town full of hungry people. You’re going to make a killing.

Cloud revenue is accelerating? Good. Gemini AI has 750 million monthly active users? Impressive. Waymo raised $16 billion? Oy vey, that’s a lot of money. They’re going to expand into 20 new cities. I hope they have good traffic lawyers.

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Looking Ahead: A Compelling Value? Or Just Wishful Thinking?

Analysts estimate earnings will grow 16% annually. Sounds good, right? Shares are trading at 28 times this year’s earnings. That’s… optimistic. But hey, what do I know? I’m just a skeptic. It could be a game changer for your portfolio. Or it could be a very expensive paperweight. Time will tell.

Is there a catch? Of course there’s a catch! There’s always a catch! Investors may not see immediate returns. The stock has had a good run. It’s bound to take a breather. Like a long-distance runner who just finished the marathon. But if Alphabet continues to deliver, well… who am I to argue? Just remember, past performance is no guarantee of future results. And if you lose your shirt, don’t come crying to me. I told you I was a skeptic.

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2026-02-12 00:14