Alphabet: It’s Not About the AI, It’s the Principle

So, everyone’s suddenly excited about Alphabet. Alphabet (GOOGL 0.05%) (GOOG 0.02%). The hedge fund billionaires are piling in. Bill Ackman, Chase Coleman, Philippe Laffont… honestly, it’s a little unsettling. It’s not that I dislike billionaires—it’s the herd mentality. They all read the same memo, apparently. And now I’m supposed to be impressed? It’s just… irritating. They’re buying it because of this AI stuff. Which, fine. But let’s be clear, it’s not some revolutionary breakthrough. It’s just… efficient. And that’s the problem. Efficiency at the expense of… nuance. You know?

The AI Hype Cycle

They’re saying Alphabet was “cheap” at the start of 2025. Cheap! Because people were worried AI would mess with Google Search? As if Google Search wasn’t already a mess! Try finding something specific. It’s an algorithm designed to show you what they want you to see, not what you need. And now they’re acting like this Gemini thing is some miracle? It’s a large language model. It strings words together. It’s not solving world hunger. It’s just… quicker at finding cat videos. The whole thing feels… disingenuous.

And the TPUs. These custom AI chips. Apparently, they’re a big deal. “Battle-tested,” they say. “Structural cost advantage.” Look, I don’t need a detailed explanation of semiconductor manufacturing. I just want to be able to type a question into a search bar and get a straight answer. Is that too much to ask? They’re letting customers use these chips now through Google Cloud. More efficiency. More… everything being streamlined into a homogenous blob. It’s horrifying.

This Gemini thing is infused throughout their products. AI Overviews, Lens, Circle to Search… It’s everywhere. And the AI Mode, where you can toggle between traditional search and a chatbot? It’s… it’s confusing! Why do I need a chatbot to tell me the weather? Just show me the temperature! It’s a solution in search of a problem. A very aggressively marketed problem.

And don’t even get me started on their distribution advantages. Chrome, Android, the revenue-sharing deal with Apple… It’s a monopoly, basically. A politely worded, brightly colored monopoly. They control the gateway to the internet, and now they’re going to use AI to… optimize the experience? Optimize it into oblivion, more like. It’s like they’re actively trying to eliminate serendipity.

Is It Worth It? Seriously?

The stock is trading at a forward P/E of around 25.5 times 2026 estimates. Reasonably valued, they say. That’s what they always say. Look, I’m not saying it’s a bad investment. It’s just… it feels… wrong. It’s a fundamentally uninspired play. It’s betting on incremental improvements to a system that’s already broken. And the billionaires are all in. Which, naturally, makes me suspicious. They’re probably shorting something else. They always are. It’s a whole game, and we’re all just pawns. And I resent that. I deeply resent that.

2026-02-01 00:54

The AI Hype Cycle

Is It Worth It? Seriously?

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