AI Writes Code, Humans Lose Jobs, and Other Tales of Woe 😅

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It appears that Brian Armstrong, the esteemed leader of Coinbase, has decided to let Artificial Intelligence scribble away at no less than half of their code by October. Yes, dear reader, you heard it right-robots are penning software like Victorian poets penning sonnets (though presumably with fewer metaphors about daffodils).

In a dispatch posted on X-the platform formerly known as Twitter but now apparently christened “X” because why not?-Armstrong assured us all that this AI business would be handled responsibly. “Obviously,” he declared, in tones one imagines were suitably grave, “it needs to be reviewed and understood.” How reassuring! One pictures him stroking an invisible beard while nodding sagely. He went so far as to share a chart demonstrating how AI-generated code has more than doubled since April, which is either impressive or alarming depending on whether you’re an optimist or someone who fears Skynet is just around the corner.

Coinbase’s grand plan? To turn its merry band of 4,200 employees into what they call “AI-Natives.” Presumably, these natives will frolic through lines of Python and JavaScript generated by tools such as Copilot, Claude Code, and Cursor. Apparently, tasks that once took months can now be accomplished in days thanks to our silicon-based friends. What larks! 🎉

A Dash of Expert Opinion, Served Chilled

As you might expect, opinions on this brave new world range from enthusiastic applause to apocalyptic dread. An Oklahoma tech savant recently opined in the New York Post that AI-related job losses could reduce humanity’s numbers from eight billion souls to a mere hundred million by the year 2300. That’s quite the culling, isn’t it? Though perhaps we’ll have better snacks by then.

On the other hand, David Sacks-a man whose title includes both “White House” and “advisor,” making him sound like a character out of a political thriller-insists there’s nothing to worry about. According to him, AI won’t replace humans entirely because it still requires human oversight. Researchers at PwC seem to agree, dismissing fears of mass unemployment as overblown. In fact, McKinsey & Company predicts AI could add $4.4 trillion to the global economy by 2030. So really, everything’s fine! Carry on!

And yet… On August 25, Armstrong casually mentioned during an appearance on the “Cheeky Pint” podcast that he had recently sacked engineers who refused to embrace AI. The poor dears didn’t get the memo about becoming AI-Natives quickly enough. It seems the march toward progress waits for no one-not even those stubborn Luddites clinging to their keyboards like shipwrecked sailors to driftwood.

Thus, Coinbase strides boldly into the future, balancing innovation with workforce adaptation-and doing its best to ignore whispers about automation rendering large swathes of humanity obsolete. Ah, modernity: where every silver lining comes with a cloud shaped suspiciously like HAL 9000. 😊

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2025-09-04 15:34