Right. So, I’ve been thinking. Actually, more accurately, panicking about my portfolio. For a while there, it was all crypto, all the time. Honestly, it felt… exciting. Like being a pioneer. Or a particularly reckless gambler. Units of Bitcoin Lost: 7. Hours Spent Refreshing CoinBase: An Unhealthy Amount. Number of Times I Explained to My Mother What a Blockchain Was: 18. But then the ‘crypto winter’ happened, and it turns out pioneers often freeze. So, I’ve decided to diversify. Slightly. Into… AI. It feels a bit more… grown up. A bit less like shouting into the void.
SoundHound AI
SoundHound. It’s all about voices, apparently. Which is ironic, because I’ve been mostly silent since realizing how much money I lost on Dogecoin. They make apps that recognize voices. I mostly just yell at my smart speaker when it misinterprets my requests. But apparently, this is a big deal. They’re working with car companies, restaurants… even Mastercard. It’s all very… corporate. They seem to be acquiring smaller companies, which is a good sign, I think. Like a sensible adult, rather than a frantic magpie collecting shiny things. Analysts predict revenue growth of 30% CAGR. Which sounds… promising. It’s a bit pricey, though. $4.5 billion valuation. Still, maybe it’s worth the risk. I mean, what’s a few more sleepless nights when you’re already questioning all your life choices?
Lemonade
Lemonade. Insurance. Honestly, the thought of dealing with insurance makes me want to lie down in a dark room. But apparently, Lemonade is different. It’s AI-powered. Which means… chatbots? I’m already bracing myself for endless automated menus and unhelpful responses. But they claim it simplifies the process. They’ve tripled their customer base in a few years, which is… impressive. They do homeowners, renters, life insurance… the whole shebang. Analysts predict revenue growth of 44%. And they’re expanding into Europe. Which sounds… ambitious. The valuation is $6.2 billion, which feels… reasonable. It’s still a gamble, of course. But maybe a slightly more calculated one. I’ve started picturing myself as a sophisticated investor. It’s a delusion, naturally, but it’s helping me cope.
CoreWeave
CoreWeave. This one’s… complicated. They used to be an Ethereum miner. Which means they were involved in the whole crypto thing. But then the crash happened, and they pivoted. Smart move, I suppose. They now repurpose their mining GPUs to process AI tasks. Apparently, it’s much faster and more cost-effective. They’ve gone from three data centers to thirty-three. That’s… a lot of data centers. They’re working with Microsoft and OpenAI. Which sounds… serious. Analysts predict revenue growth of 95% and EBITDA growth of 109%. Those are… big numbers. The valuation is $87.9 billion, which seems… surprisingly low, considering. I’m starting to think I should have listened to my brother. He’s always been better with numbers. Number of Times I’ve Ignored My Brother’s Financial Advice: Too Many to Count.
So, there you have it. My tentative foray into the world of AI stocks. It’s still terrifying, naturally. But maybe, just maybe, it’s a slightly less terrifying way to lose my money. I’m going to go lie down now. And possibly start researching offshore accounts. Just in case.
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2026-01-20 00:13