AI IPOs: Hype, Hope & Your 401(k)

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Okay, so Nvidia is basically the plumbing of the AI revolution. Eighty percent of the AI accelerator market? That’s…a lot of chips. It’s like being the guy who sells the really good coffee to all the startup founders. You’re not exactly in the spotlight, but everyone’s quietly dependent on you. They’re investing billions in OpenAI and Anthropic, which, let’s be honest, sounds less like investing and more like funding a very expensive science fiction movie. And now, these two are thinking about IPOs? Buckle up, investors. It’s about to get…interesting.

Everyone’s chasing the next big thing. Right now, that thing is generative AI. It’s the digital equivalent of a magician pulling a rabbit out of a hat, except the rabbit is a slightly unsettling image generated from a text prompt. And the investors? They’re the audience, desperately hoping the magician doesn’t accidentally saw them in half.

OpenAI: The Chatbot with a Valuation

they don’t expect to actually

make

a profit until 2030. So, we’re investing in potential. It’s like buying a lottery ticket and hoping it turns into a yacht. They’re reportedly looking at a $750 billion valuation, which puts their price-to-sales ratio at 58. Palantir is the only S&P 500 stock trading at a higher multiple. Nvidia, comparatively, is a bargain at 24.6. Someone call a financial advisor. I need a nap.

Anthropic: The Slightly More Reserved AI

Claude is less popular, but Anthropic is aiming to be the first to turn a profit. But both stocks are ridiculously expensive. If they both went public today, I’d reluctantly say OpenAI is the slightly better buy, if only because everyone loves a good story. But honestly? I’d probably just buy a nice, boring index fund. And maybe a really good coffee maker. You know, for when the robots take over.

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2026-01-25 12:03